In Memoriam- Grandaddy

 

Grandaddy Eulogy

I prepared this eulogy of sorts on April 13th 2018, one month since Grandaddy had passed. 

I want to begin by reading this poem that I came across a few weeks ago...

“Alike are life and death,
  When life in death survives,
And the uninterrupted breath
  Inspires a thousand lives.

  Were a star quenched on high,
  For ages would its light,
Still traveling downward from the sky,
  Shine on our mortal sight.

  So when a great man dies,
  For years beyond our ken,
The light he leaves behind him lies
  Upon the paths of men.”

        Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

For some reason or another I really do not have very many distinct memories from my childhood and I don’t have many memories at all from my childhood related to Grandaddy. I remember vaguely some of our visits or their visits to us, but nothing crystal clear. My most cherished memories of Grandaddy have been from my adult years. 

One thing that I had remembered Grandaddy telling me was that his older sister had been an excellent piano player and that he specifically remembered her playing Clair de Lune by Claude Debussey. This stuck in my mind and so when I was planning my wedding I selected Clair de Lune for the song for the grandparents to walk in to, and also in hopes that it would give Grandaddy extra motivation to come. It worked- they came!

I am so very thankful for how often we were able to see Grandaddy the last 8 or so years. Having kids usually brings grandparents and great grandparents around a bit more. We were fortunate to see Grandaddy about every 1.5-2 years since Brooklyn was born. They came through town when she was a couple months old to meet her for a few hours. We went to San Antonio to see her when she was not quite two. We planned the trip around a Grizzlies/Spurs game so we could enjoy watching our two teams play each other. I think the Spurs won. I remember also that the weather was perfect and we spent a lot of time outside. We did the Alamo & River Walk, Grandaddy took her swimming, and he took her on a walk one day by himself around their house and they enjoyed looking at bugs and rocks and flowers together. I will also always remember and cherish our breakfasts we had with Grandaddy every morning at Blue Skies and how amazed and proud he was of all I was eating- I was three months pregnant with Annalise. ;) He teased me about that for a long time. I convinced them to come visit us shortly after Elliot was born and they stayed a few days in Memphis. We enjoyed a weekend of perfect weather and Grandaddy particularly enjoyed having a bonfire one night and went on and on about how much he enjoyed gazing into the fire and thinking about how our ancestors down through the ages have done just the same thing. They just really delighted in watching the kids be kids and getting to know them. Our next visit was when I convinced them to meet us in MS at the beach. They were also able to see Jordan and Erik at this time too. We saw them for about a day and a half and they came to the beach one day and the boys were able to get some time talking with Grandaddy and I know Grandaddy enjoyed watching the kids play in the sand and ocean. After they took us to dinner that night Grandaddy shared a few words to each of us Schuyler kids and that was very touching. It was a sweet time. These are the memories I will cherish for the rest of my life. The last memories I have with Grandaddy are harder to talk about.

I knew somewhere deep down when we were planning the trip to Texas that this would likely be the last time I would see him. We had been planning and looking forward to this trip for months, and it broke my heart that he barely got to enjoy it.  Elliot and I hung out with Grandaddy as soon as we got there while Ben, the girls, and ME went on a horse ride. There’s this huge rocking horse on the porch at the dude ranch and Elliot was going crazy on it. Grandaddy got a kick out of that. We also spent some time in the lobby and I read Elliot one of the books in there about cars and Elliot started chatting to Grandaddy all about cars and such. It was hard to get any conversation in with Elliot there, but Grandaddy did ask me about homeschooling. He always took such an interest in our homeschooling and that meant so much to me. After the horse ride we all hung out outside our cabin. The kids were playing in the rocks and climbing trees and telling Grandaddy random things like kids do. Of course he couldn’t really hear them, but there was sweet eye contact and interaction regardless. I believe he had his last cigarette and drank his last vodka that afternoon with us. After this it was time for the wildlife wagon ride. Grandaddy rode in the truck so we didn’t really get that time with him, but we saw so many many deer and I’m sure he could probably hear the kids’ excitement. After this was when we were walking onto the covered patio and deck on the concrete floor and Grandaddy fell. I knew right away that this wasn’t good. But he sat in a chair and watched the kids break a pinata open despite the pain he was in. He of course wanted to stay at the ranch even though he was in a lot of pain. Ben and a ranch worker wheeled him up to the dining hall for dinner, but as time went on he finally agreed he needed to go to the hospital. 

It took awhile for the reality of it all to set in. Mary Ellen made a comment before they left that “usually when old people fall it’s the beginning of the end”, but at that time I had no idea the end was so close. Even as I said goodbye to him before they left for the hospital I didn’t think I’d never see him again. They made me promise not to tell anyone what had happened. 

As reality began to set in, I was so angry and disappointed that this had happened and that he wouldn’t get to enjoy the ranch with us. It felt like torture to be there and not have him there with us. It was one of the hardest weeks of my life. I immediately began asking God “why” and wrestling through really difficult questions relating to my faith. I don’t think I’ve ever prayed so much in the matter of a few short days. But I kept coming back to what I know to be true. That Jesus is real and cares about my suffering. That he loves Grandaddy and died for him so that even in his last days and breaths Grandaddy could receive His love and forgiveness. I was reminded that my God is merciful, gracious, loving, good, and powerful. Even when life is hard and circumstances seem awful, and there’s suffering and pain, God is still good and Jesus is still full of love. I began to see that we were there that week for a reason, and that all of this happened for a reason. I don’t believe in chance or coincidence, but I do believe that things happen as they do for a reason. I believe God’s Providence is this reason and that God had us there at that specific time, and that it was a gift to us that we even got to see him for a few hours. It was a gift to Grandaddy that in his last days he could hear about the kids having fun and know that it was because of him treating us to the dude ranch.  I was able to call Mary Ellen at night and tell her what we had done so she could then tell Grandaddy and bring a smile to his face. 

Grandaddy and I loved each other so much despite our religious differences, and I believe God had us there in Grandaddy’s last days to be a tangible representation of the love of God to him. I believe God was showing His love to Grandaddy in those last days and waiting with open arms to receive him should Grandaddy call out to Him with belief, even just a little. There were so many things that happened that week we were in TX that have caused me to have great hope that Grandaddy may have come to trust in Jesus and believe in God in his last moments. I will never know for sure. But what I do know of God and who He is gives me hope. Even as Jesus was being crucified in between two criminals, who had up to that point not believed in Jesus, one of them called out to him in belief and faith in his last breaths, and Jesus promised He would see him in paradise. This gives me great hope that maybe Grandaddy too called out in one of his last breaths. For you see, John 3:16 says: “For God so [greatly] loved and dearly prized the world, that He [even] gave His [One and] only begotten Son, so that whoever believes and trusts in Him [as Savior] shall not perish, but have eternal life.”

Now back to the last part of our time in Texas. We went by Blue Skies and visited with ME before leaving town, obviously hoping we’d get to see Grandaddy but that wasn’t to be. He hadn’t been transferred from the hospital yet, but he wouldn’t have let us see him anyway. He was adamant that our “last memory” of him was not lying in a hospital bed on oxygen. But we did share some final memories of the ranch with ME, one of which brought Grandaddy his last smile as ME conveyed the story to him later that evening. Annalise had ridden a horse named Quack and towards the very end of the ride when they were almost back to the stables he walked right under a tree branch and she had to lay back to keep from being hit by the branch. She held onto the branch as long as she could and then she fell to the ground. She got right back in the saddle the next day. This was the story that brought Grandaddy his last smile as he was home in hospice for that one night. He certainly loved how feisty and fiery Annalise is. Grandaddy always saw the best in my kids and that helps me to as well. 

What I will remember most is my love for Grandaddy and his for me and my family. I will remember how he made me feel and the person he was. I will remember his giving heart and his generosity, his honesty and bluntness. I will remember his amazing ability to tell stories. I will remember his simplicity and his stubbornness. I will remember him and his love. And the love I have for him. 

I will end with this short little prayer that Brooklyn copied from her prayer book and left on my bedside table one night a few weeks ago… It was about a pet but she changed the words… “Dear God, Into your care we give this old creature who has died. We lay a green leaf beside him and remember his life. We lay a brown leaf beside him and mourn his death. We scatter a handful of petals to the gentle wind and trust that the life that has blown away from us will be safe with you.”

Bondurant Favorite Books 2021

 

Bondurant Favorite Books of 2021

 

Ben- Memory of Old Jack by Wendell Berry, Andy Catlett by Wendell Berry, A World Lost by Wendell Berry, God of the Garden by Andrew Peterson, & The Marvelous Pigness of Pigs by Joel Salatin

 

Chalise- Port William series by Wendell Berry, God of the Garden by Andrew Peterson, Prayer in the Night by Tish Harrison Warren, The Art of Dying by Rob Moll, & Free to Believe by Luke Goodrich

 

Brooklyn- Watership Down by Richard Adams, The Nutcracker by E.T.A. Hoffman, Black Beauty by Sewell, Johnny Tremain by Forbes, & Hitty- Her First Hundred Years by Field

 

Annalise- Matilda, & BFG by Roald Dahl, The Spiderwick Chronicles by Black and DiTerlizzi, Nancy & Plum by MacDonald, Pippy Longstocking by Lindgren, Trumpet of the Swan by E.B. White

 

Elliot- Pilgrim’s Progress by Bunyan, Wind in the Willows by Graham, & Christmas Mystery by Gaarder

 

Christmas Reflections 2021

 A VERY BERRY CHRISTMAS!             Merry Christmastide & Happy New Year from The Bondurants 2021

 

 

Remembering that it happened once,

 

We cannot turn away the thought,

 

As we go out, cold, to our barns

 

Toward the long night’s end, that we

 

Ourselves are living in the world

 

It happened in when it first happened,

 

That we ourselves, opening a stall

 

(A latch thrown open countless times

 

Before), might find them breathing there,

 

Foreknown: the Child bedded in straw,

 

The mother kneeling over Him,

 

The husband standing in belief

 

He scarcely can believe, in light

 

That lights them from no source we see,

 

An April morning’s light, the air

 

Around them joyful as a choir.

 

We stand with one hand on the door,

 

Looking into another world

 

That is this world, the pale daylight

 

Coming just as before, our chores

 

To do, the cattle all awake,

 

Our own white frozen breath hanging

 

In front of us; and we are here

 

As we have never been before,

 

Sighted as not before, our place

 

Holy, although we knew it not.

 

            -Wendell Berry

 

Ben and I have been immersed in the words and world of Wendell Berry* this past year through his fictional Port William series as well as many of his lectures based on his essays. I’ve also enjoyed his poetry immensely, so I thought it appropriate to share this Christmas poem with you.

 

It is hard to put Wendell Berry into words, or to describe how being immersed in the world of Port William has formed our affections and thoughts this past year. His Port William series has reawakened in us a desire for rootedness and deep community and has further grown in us a passion for the stewardship of God’s creation and the beauty of tending the earth. This series has also reminded us of the sacredness of the ordinary- ordinary people, ordinary lives, ordinary communities, and the importance of place- of loving and caring for the place God has placed us in at this given moment.

 

“He saw a lot of places, and he came home. I think he gave up the idea that there is a better place somewhere else. There is no “better place” than this, not in this world. And it is by the place we’ve got, and our love for it and our keeping of it, that this world is joined to Heaven.” (Hannah Coulter, Wendell Berry)

 

We encourage you to read the Port William series as well, (and any and all other Wendell Berry for that matter!) and that you would be inspired to love and keep your “place”- the piece of God’s creation that He has entrusted to you, and that by doing so you would experience the joy that comes as your world is joined to Heaven.

 

This Christmas season, let us remember that Christ too came to a place and a people. We are living in the same world into which He first came, and He will come again to make all things new- all of the ordinary places, people, and communities. Come, Lord Jesus!

Born by our birth

 

Here on the earth

 

Our flesh to wear

 

Our death to bear

 

-Wendell Berry

 

In Memoriam- Grandmommy Sue

 

Thought I shared for her memorial brochure:

I've felt a special bond with Grandmommy ever since Elliot came along and we shared the same birth order of children- two girls and a boy. As I've witnessed her love and adoration for my dad over the years, I can only hope that Elliot and I share such a sweet love as well. (I know she had a deep love for her girls too, as do I.) There's something very special about the love between a mom and son and I feel it's a rare gift to have seen that displayed all these years. I remember each time we'd leave from a visit, Grandmommy standing in the driveway waving goodbye, blowing kisses, with obvious tears welling up in her eyes. It was obvious that her deep love for my dad extended to us all, but it was especially obvious she loved him immensely all the days of her life.  

In Memoriam- Mary Ellen

 

Dear Friends, Family, And Fond Acquaintances of Mary Ellen Schuyler,

 Mary Ellen spent her last day on this earth on March 20^th, 2021- the first day of Spring. While new life was budding all around us, her wonderful and full life came to an end.  Those of you who know Mary Ellen well are familiar with her independent and determined spirit, so you will not be surprised to learn that she chose to die on her own terms. She died peacefully in her sleep in the comfort of her own home in San Antonio, TX, just a week after the three-year anniversary of Dan’s passing. No doubt she was thinking of him in her last moments of consciousness.

This year has been a difficult year for many, and although senior living facilities have been subject to the strictest covid protocols, she and her boys still found creative ways to see one another frequently. Her past year was full of fond memories and quality time with her beloved sons, John and Scott. In her last week she had enjoyed a wonderful visit with Scott and a great phone conversation with John.

You may be wondering who I am. I am Mary Ellen’s granddaughter. My dad, Mark Schuyler, is Dan’s son. There is no doubt in my mind that Mary Ellen wouldn’t want me going to all this trouble to send out a letter, but she isn’t the only determined one in the family. J A big part of my relationship with Mary Ellen involved letter writing, so it seemed that an appropriate way to honor her would be to send out a letter to her correspondence list.

I wanted to share briefly about my beloved grandmother, Mary Ellen, and about what she meant to me. You all know how much she adored Dan. She was fiercely protective of him, and loved him deeply. They enjoyed a wonderful life, full of adventures, many happy moments, and few (if any) regrets. She also cherished her sons. She felt no lack by not having daughters. These boys were wonderful sons and she did not hesitate to brag on them any chance she got. She was so proud of them both and they treated their mom so well.  She was also a wonderful grandmother and great-grandmother. She always looked forward to any trips or visits to see family, and was always more than happy to host anyone that came to visit.  She adored my children and always interacted with them so intentionally each time we saw them.

Mary Ellen was my grandmother, but during my adult years she also grew to become one of my closest friends and confidants.  She and I had a lot of common interests and hobbies. The one thing we didn’t have in common was faith in Christ, but she and Dan said “they loved everything else about me.” J We loved discussing politics, current events, nature & hiking, travels, books, and of course family. I learned a lot from Mary Ellen that I will keep with me forever. She highly valued correspondence etiquette and whenever anyone gives me credit for being great at sending cards, I often pass that credit on to Mary Ellen. I also admire how they were able to resist the technological revolution in such huge ways, and still survive! Hah! The way they approached technology could be frustrating at times, but I have found myself also wanting to depend as little as possible on technology, and drew strength from their “technological minimalism”. Mary Ellen loved exercising and her discipline in this area has always challenged me and inspired me. It really is quite remarkable. Did you know she used to compete in marathons and triathlons? She also loved reading, tennis, jigsaw puzzles, and traveling. Mary Ellen was a woman of many interests and highly valued education and being a lifelong learner. She once told me traveling and reading were two of her greatest pleasures in life.

Several years ago I asked Grandaddy and Mary Ellen to complete a “legacy journal”. I wanted to pass along some of the advice she gave to me and my children, as it applies to us all.

“Do stuff you can be proud of, even when no one is watching. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Always be honest.  Read! Study hard. Don’t spend too much time on machines.  Look people in the eyes when you’re talking. Have a strong handshake. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. Have good table manners. Learn cursive handwriting, and how to put thoughts to paper. Write a letter once in a while. All progress is not necessarily good. Technology is wonderful and helpful in its place. We are not Luddites, by any means, but our lives were always more personal than lives are lived these days. (Something’s being lost. People become less connected in the real sense.)”

Hopefully you can honor Mary Ellen’s memory by taking this advice to heart and passing it on.

I know two of the things she missed most this past year were hugs and seeing people’s smiles. (By the way, she got hugs from both her boys recently.) I last spoke to her on March 13^th and we had a lovely conversation. She asked me a question that I want to forever remember. I pose it now to you. “What is something your kids did today to make you smile?” Isn’t this a great question?! I know most of you don’t have kids in the home, so maybe you can pass this question on to your kids or grandkids, in honor of Mary Ellen. Maybe you can also ask yourself, “What is something that made me smile today?” And as a smile creeps over your face, please remember Mary Ellen, who loved to smile and had a most beautiful one.

 Most Sincerely, 

Chalise Bondurant

And in loving memory of Mary Ellen…

XOXO     Hug each other [or someone] for *her*!

In Memoriam- Grandpa Peach

 

 

Eulogy for Grandpa Peach

George Joseph Peach. He was a son, a brother, a nephew, a cousin, a friend, an uncle, a father, and a husband. To most of you here, he was one of these things. But to seven very fortunate individuals he was grandpa, or Paw Paw. And to my three very special children he was great-grandpa. And oh what a great grandpa he was.

For most of my childhood, our family lived just three blocks from our Grandpa and Grandma Peach. They were a huge part of our lives, especially my grandpa- as he was retired and always available when we needed him. They were at every recital, ball game, and school program. I can’t even tell you how many times my grandpa brought me lunch money because I had forgotten, or brought me up dinner to the school in between my practices. He taxied me around, as well as my friends, and each time he’d pass his old house on Lincoln he’d tell us all about it…again. Several times in college he would drive me to and from Murray State when I wanted to come home on the weekends, before I had a car on campus. He and my grandma also came for a few visits. All of my friends always got a big kick out of my grandpa’s stories- stories that I had of course heard several times. Stories that many of you have heard several times.

Grandpa and Grandma came to visit us in Memphis several times too. They came for, or shortly after, every birth of their great-grandchildren, and for several of their birthday parties and other visits too. It was such a blessing to see my grandpa interact with my kids. I consider myself so fortunate to have had him in my life for 37 years, and I consider my kids doubly fortunate to have spent several years with great grandpa Peach.

He was so proud of all his grandchildren and bragged on all of us. My brothers, Jordan and Erik, could tell a similar story to mine of how involved grandpa was in their lives. He was such a huge part of our lives and had such a huge impact on all of us. My grandpa was a man that my brothers looked up to and respected. He’s always been a man they could depend upon. He was always available to help us, our mom, and anyone really. He was so very loyal and dependable. He could sometimes be serious and a little gruff, but he was usually smiling, telling jokes and stories, and being ornery. He had such a great chuckle, and a sparkle in his eyes when he smiled.

When you’re a kid, it seems like your grandparents will live forever. As you get older, you begin to realize that this isn’t the case. This person that has been such a huge part of your life, that you can’t imagine ever not being there, is one day gone. As much as you might think you are prepared, you find that their death hits you hard.

Most of you know that my grandpa was a devout Catholic. He was so proud of St. Clare, his priest, and this beautiful new sanctuary. He loved all of the wood and beams in here. His faith had a huge impact on me. I went to church with them often as a child and adolescent, and the Lord really used that exposure to the Catholic faith as a seed that later in my life God grew into my own faith and relationship with Christ. I’m so thankful for that.

My grandpa died on March 18^th, so his last full day on earth was St. Patrick’s Day- one of my favorite saints. My grandpa also died during Lent, a very important season in the Catholic faith, as well as other traditions.

During Lent we are to remember that we are dust and to dust we shall return. In the book Circle of Seasons the author states, “Lent is about the painful acknowledgement of our mortality, the sense of sadness at the reality of having to let go of all we hold dear, the proclamation of Jesus’ death on my behalf, and the hope of the resurrection.” When I was a kid and teen Lent was just the countdown to Easter, and Easter baskets, and Easter candy. And actually, I have so many great memories of our family going to Easter mass with my grandparents and then having lunch, hunting Easter eggs, and eating lots of sweets.

Now Lent and Easter carry a much deeper meaning for me. Again from Circle of Seasons, we are told, “Lent is a time to reckon with darkness and death. We do so with hope, because this season of darkness ends in Easter, in resurrection, in new life. But we can be raised to new life only if we have died to the old one. That is the challenge- and the gift- of Lent.”

So even now as we grieve the death of my grandpa, we can have hope, because for those who trust Christ, death is not the end of the story. Death is the end of a chapter. My grandpa has now begun his next chapter, and we too can join him in that great never-ending story if we also trust Christ. The Author and Creator of that Story invites us all to join him, and I believe my grandpa would invite us as well.