Tuesday, July 12, 2011

My Story. Part 1: Life before I met Christ

Childhood:
I am from Southern IL near Saint Louis and grew up with my parents and two little brothers, along with a really tight-knit extended family. My grandparents were and still are devout Catholics but my family just went occasionally. I grew up believing in God and enjoying going to church but I had no concept of what it meant to follow Jesus and live for Him. I never heard the gospel growing up. I thought if I was good and didn’t do anything awful like murder someone I would go to heaven.  For the most part I was a goody goody and really wanted to please my parents, make good grades, etc. I spent most of my time doing ballet and reading and doing school work. I thought a lot about God and heaven when one of my great uncles died and then my dog the year later, but I still had no concept of being a Christian.
Junior High/High School:
I still thought about God every so often and went to mass occasionally but I more cared about extra-curriculars and being popular. I was finally part of the popular crowd in 8th grade and didn’t care as much about being a goody goody. My freshman year I got drunk once just spending the night at a friends house and it was awful and I never had any desire to do so again. My girl friends and I hung out with the cool high school guys and dated guys that liked to party and be rebellious and we thought it was pretty cool. I started putting so much significance in guys and what they thought of me, and I always wanted to make sure I had a boyfriend. I was desperately searching for significance and purpose. I went through some very low times where I wondered what the point of living was. I just didn't have any inner joy. My happiness was based on my circumstances. During this same time I was in choir and making friends there. There were several Christians in there that were befriending me and inviting me to church so I went occasionally to youth group with them. For a few months I was really interested in learning more about God, but when summer came along I was busy with the dance team and hung out with those girls and their boyfriends. For the first half of my sophomore year I didn’t really go to youth group and went through a time where I just decided I needed to be good and spiritual on my own so I tried to figure that out. I tried to be moral and good on my own. I even bought a "true love waits" ring and a "what would Jesus do" bracelet. I was trying to slowly become a Christian externally, but it was not working. My friends kept inviting me to youth events and invited me to Disciple Now and I agreed to go. Leading up to that weekend I remember thinking that I really needed Jesus but I just didn’t know how to go about becoming a Christian. The first night of the retreat I heard the gospel preached very clearly and I knew I need to become a Christian. God was very clearly drawing me to Himself my whole entire life and His grace was irresistible to me at this point, and He gave me the faith to trust in Him.

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