Dear Friends, Family, And Fond Acquaintances of Mary Ellen
Schuyler,
Mary Ellen spent her last day on this earth on March 20th,
2021- the first day of Spring. While new life was budding all around us, her
wonderful and full life came to an end.
Those of you who know Mary Ellen well are familiar with her independent
and determined spirit, so you will not be surprised to learn that she chose to
die on her own terms. She died peacefully in her sleep in the comfort of her
own home in San Antonio, TX, just a week after the three-year anniversary of
Dan’s passing. No doubt she was thinking of him in her last moments of
consciousness.
This year has been a difficult year for many, and although
senior living facilities have been subject to the strictest covid protocols,
she and her boys still found creative ways to see one another frequently. Her
past year was full of fond memories and quality time with her beloved sons,
John and Scott. In her last week she had enjoyed a wonderful visit with Scott and
a great phone conversation with John.
You may be wondering who I am. I am Mary Ellen’s
granddaughter. My dad, Mark Schuyler, is Dan’s son. There is no doubt in my
mind that Mary Ellen wouldn’t want me going to all this trouble to send out a
letter, but she isn’t the only determined one in the family. J A big
part of my relationship with Mary Ellen involved letter writing, so it seemed
that an appropriate way to honor her would be to send out a letter to her
correspondence list.
I wanted to share briefly about my beloved grandmother, Mary
Ellen, and about what she meant to me. You all know how much she adored Dan.
She was fiercely protective of him, and loved him deeply. They enjoyed a
wonderful life, full of adventures, many happy moments, and few (if any)
regrets. She also cherished her sons. She felt no lack by not having daughters.
These boys were wonderful sons and she did not hesitate to brag on them any
chance she got. She was so proud of them both and they treated their mom so
well. She was also a wonderful
grandmother and great-grandmother. She always looked forward to any trips or
visits to see family, and was always more than happy to host anyone that came
to visit. She adored my children and
always interacted with them so intentionally each time we saw them.
Mary Ellen was my grandmother, but during my adult years she
also grew to become one of my closest friends and confidants. She and I had a lot of common interests and
hobbies. The one thing we didn’t have in common was faith in Christ, but she and
Dan said “they loved everything else about me.” J We loved
discussing politics, current events, nature & hiking, travels, books, and
of course family. I learned a lot from Mary Ellen that I will keep with me
forever. She highly valued correspondence etiquette and whenever anyone gives
me credit for being great at sending cards, I often pass that credit on to Mary
Ellen. I also admire how they were able to resist the technological revolution
in such huge ways, and still survive! Hah! The way they approached technology
could be frustrating at times, but I have found myself also wanting to depend
as little as possible on technology, and drew strength from their
“technological minimalism”. Mary Ellen loved exercising and her discipline in this
area has always challenged me and inspired me. It really is quite remarkable.
Did you know she used to compete in marathons and triathlons? She also loved
reading, tennis, jigsaw puzzles, and traveling. Mary Ellen was a woman of many
interests and highly valued education and being a lifelong learner. She once
told me traveling and reading were two of her greatest pleasures in life.
Several years ago I asked Grandaddy and Mary Ellen to complete
a “legacy journal”. I wanted to pass along some of the advice she gave to me
and my children, as it applies to us all.
“Do stuff you can be proud of,
even when no one is watching. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Always
be honest. Read! Study hard. Don’t spend
too much time on machines. Look people
in the eyes when you’re talking. Have a strong handshake. If you can’t say
something nice, don’t say anything at all. Have good table manners. Learn
cursive handwriting, and how to put thoughts to paper. Write a letter once in a
while. All progress is not necessarily good. Technology is wonderful and
helpful in its place. We are not Luddites, by any means, but our lives were
always more personal than lives are lived these days. (Something’s being lost.
People become less connected in the real sense.)”
Hopefully you can honor Mary Ellen’s memory by taking this
advice to heart and passing it on.
I know two of the things she missed most this past year were
hugs and seeing people’s smiles. (By the way, she got hugs from both her boys
recently.) I last spoke to her on March 13th and we had a lovely
conversation. She asked me a question that I want to forever remember. I pose
it now to you. “What is something your kids did today to make you smile?” Isn’t
this a great question?! I know most of you don’t have kids in the home, so
maybe you can pass this question on to your kids or grandkids, in honor of Mary
Ellen. Maybe you can also ask yourself, “What is something that made me smile
today?” And as a smile creeps over your face, please remember Mary Ellen, who
loved to smile and had a most beautiful one.
Most Sincerely,
Chalise Bondurant
And in loving
memory of Mary Ellen…
XOXO Hug
each other [or someone] for *her*!
