One of my best friend's parenting story and what she thought of Babywise

Jess, Canon, and Rachel Rainer

If you are just now joining us for the Why I'm Not Babywise Series, Welcome! Please take some time to read the previous posts, especially my Intro/Disclaimer so you can read the rest of the posts in context. I am seeking to be very sensitive to my readers who may implement Babywise. I pray we can all show one another grace as we seek to parent all of our babies in the way God leads us. I invite considerate comments, whether you agree or disagree. 

As I have different moms share their stories about what did or did not work for them from Babywise please be considerate of their thoughts and feelings. This is my friend Rachel's story. She is one of my best friend's from college and we were also roommates for a year. She is one of the most sensitive and servant-hearted moms that I know. I admire her faith in the Lord so much. She is an amazing wife, mother, and woman of God. Without further ado, here is her story:

 My husband and I were so excited to become pregnant in January of 2009. At the time, I was surrounded by young moms due to being in a seminary community. As the pregnancy progressed I started asking my "mom" friends which books they recommended. Overwhelming almost every one recommended Baby Wise. I started reading the book, and making notes as I read along. By golly my baby was going to be sleeping through the night early on and I was going to have one happy baby. 

Fast forward to mid October. We welcomed our precious son, Canon and he was perfect. We came home from the hospital and I was ready to start implementing Baby Wise. I know that everyone interprets Baby Wise differently. My take on it was that it was very rigid. I tend to be a very rigid person. If someone tells me to do something I will follow their instructions to a T. When reading BW I personally felt that you had to "parent" this way or you weren't a good parent. I am also a very organized person that loves to be on a schedule, so Baby Wise seemed very appealing to me. I love knowing what my day is going to look like. So I went into my first days at home with I was only going to feed Canon every 3 hours and he would fall asleep on his own without needing the help of me or any other sleep aide. This was going to be easy. ha!

Now fast forward to us being home with Canon. We did the sleep, feed, awake time with Canon and that seemed to work well, but how we got Canon to fall asleep or how long he went in between feedings was not the Baby Wise way. We tried and tried to stretch his feedings out, but Canon wanted to eat more often the first few months of life. Canon also had a hard time settling for naps and bed time. On top of this Canon had horrible reflux and we were told to keep him upright for 30 minutes before laying him down for bed. It took a long time to get Canon down for bed. I remember crying and getting so frustrated at Canon because he was not doing what the book (Baby Wise) said. If we were to schedule him the Baby Wise way he was supposed to be a happy child that slept well and stuck to a schedule. What was wrong with my baby? I also remember breastfeeding or rocking Canon to sleep and feeling badly about it. I was going to do my child a disservice because he wasn't falling asleep on his own. I liked breastfeeding or rocking him to sleep.. It was one of my favorite times of the day. Because I wanted to do what was "right" we started really sticking to having Canon cry it out, except it ended in us both crying and being overly frustrated. This did not work for Canon even after trying for weeks. I felt like a bad parent. It seemed like every one else's child could just be laid down and they would fall fast asleep. Why wouldn't Canon do this? Some days I wanted to be able to lay him down and walk away. I wanted the easy route. So I read more books, blogs, went to various websites, but really all I wanted to do was rock Canon to sleep because that is what worked for Canon's needs and it felt right and natural. 

Fast forward to now. Canon is 19 months. We still rock Canon to sleep. Not every night, but every night that he needs to be rocked. Most nights he will go down on his own after cuddling and singing with mom or dad in the rocking chair for 5 to 10 minutes. Almost always he does down on his own for naps unless he needs to be rocked to sleep. We have not corrupted him. He sleep 12+ hours every night. Even if he didn't sleep 12 hours I don't believe it would be because we rocked him to sleep often. 

Not every child is the same or fits into a certain mold, nor is everyone's parenting style and that is totally fine. As long as you are following God's word on how to parent and following the instincts the Lord has given you, you are on the right track. Baby Wise was good for getting Canon on a schedule (but not until he was about 3 months old), but it did not work for us in the sleeping department. Yes, I think getting your child on a schedule and having them fall asleep on their own is important in due time, but for us we chose not to do it all at the beginning of Canon's life. Take your time and enjoy bonding with your baby.  

 

I personally LOVE the way we have gone about putting Canon to sleep. I wouldn't have it any other way. I have come to appreciate how Canon needs lots of down time before going to sleep. He needs lots of TLC and I am more than willing and happy to give that to him. Yes, it takes longer some nights and days, but I don't ever want to look back and wish I would have rocked and cuddled with him more. We have the most precious moments with him while rocking, whether he falls asleep or not on us. Canon has been rocked every night and day of his life, maybe not to sleep, but at least held and loved on before every nap or bed time.

I wish I wouldn't have agonized over if I was doing the right thing or not. I wish I would have been confident enough to go with my instincts and do what I was comfortable with instead of what other people told me was "right". This would have saved me a lot of time and I would have gotten a lot more sleep. 

We are thankful for the time we get to cuddle with Canon, we know the day will come when he doesn't want to be cuddled before bed time. We also have a different outlook on things and a different appreciation lately. In February of this year we welcomed our son William Thomas. Will only lived for an hour and we are beyond thankful we got to hold and rock Will for that short hour he was with us. I am so beyond thankful Will was in our arms when he went to go be in the arms of Jesus. This also makes us hold on to Canon a little tighter and really appreciate him.

I am just a mom that wants what is best for her individual children. I want to parent the way the Lord wants me to and what I feel comfortable with as their mom.

 

Canon John

 

Rachel blogs at Life of the Rainers about their family, motherhood, and what the Lord is teaching her.