My husband, Griffin, and I started out our pregnancy the normal route, going to a ob/gyn and planning to deliver in the hospital. Then, around 6 months in, we started feeling very strongly against our original plan because of all the hospital interference with what we felt should be an intimate, natural event. We started considering home birth, even though we only have a small apartment, and found our wonderful midwife, Lynda Hoskins. She kindly helped us, though I was so far along. I immediately felt so much more comfortable, and as though I wasn't just a "patient".
We went through a wonderful childbirth preparation class with Sarah Stockwell, and got more and more excited about the home birth. The pregnancy went well, but the due date came and went. The midwife checked for dilation, but I was only a little effaced with no dilation. Every day I thought, "Maybe this baby will come today" and hoped and prayed he would. But God had some patience to teach me or something.
Finally, at almost 42 weeks, at 2 AM Thursday morning the 13th, I woke up feeling contractions. I was so excited and started timing them at about 20 min. apart, so I woke Griffin up and we called the midwife. She wisely told us to try to sleep as much as we could and call her if the contractions got closer together. So we slept a little and went about the morning somewhat as usual. The contractions were definitely there, but nothing to scream about. We baked bread, cleaned house a little, went for some walks, watched the movie "Patch Adams," and took it easy.
My contractions gradually got closer together, about 5-10 min. apart, so we called the midwife again and she sent her assistant, Dee (the CNM), over around 9 or 10 PM because Lynda was with Chalise, who was in labor at the same time. I was thinking, "Maybe we'll have our babies at the same time!". Dee checked me, and I was still only half effaced and 2 cm dilated. Around midnight Chalise had her baby, which gave me some hope of actually delivering a baby, and Lynda came around 2 AM. I was getting pretty tired at this point, so Griffin and I had slept a little again. I woke up at 2 AM with much stronger contractions around 5 minutes apart. Well, the hours ticked on with not much dilation, I kept eating and moving around. The midwives said I ate more than most women they've seen in labor!
As the contractions got more intense, sometimes double-peaking, Griffin had to help breathe and relax quite a bit. Around 10 PM the midwives checked again, and I was about 4 cm. They suggested we go to the hospital because they were concerned I would be too tired to push the baby out. I was getting exhausted, and rather discouraged and hopeless that the baby would ever get out. Griffin and I prayed and talked it over, and decided to go. I had not packed for an emergency trip, so we quickly gathered what we thought we would need and headed off. I was somewhat excited to go to the hospital, because it seemed to offer some assurance that this labor thing would have an end. But we were also sad to give up the home birth dream.
We got to the hospital and they did their normal procedures, while my contractions still hurt like crazy. They put the epidural in, and my blood pressure dropped severely because my body is extremely sensitive. But what a relief when I could finally relax without feeling the contractions so strongly. Griffin, the midwives, and I all slept the rest of the night except for a visit from the ob. He broke my water to try to help speed things up. That was a surprisingly hard thing for me, because it didn't feel right or natural. The nurses kept increasing the pitocin, but then I started to feel the effects of it emotionally and asked them to stop. The next morning I was still only 5 cm, and the doctor decided we should do a c-section. Griffin and I again prayed and talked, and felt God give us a peace about it. Once the decision was made, 54 hours after labor began, I felt a great deal of relief and joy that this baby was finally going to be born! They prepared me and wheeled me into the OR, which was very bright and white, and there was Michael Jackson playing, both of which I didn't really like. When Griffin came in, all I saw were his eyes, and it was such a relief and comfort for him to be near and hold my hand.
Then the moment came, at 8:55am on May 15th, 2010. I felt a large tug, then we heard our baby for the first time! It was such an amazing moment with indescribable feelings. I saw him briefly before they carried him over to the table to clean him. Griffin went over and touched his face and talked to him, then they let him hold him and bring him to me. I was surprised that he was the most beautiful newborn I had ever seen. Griffin held him so I could kiss his face, and it was so soft and warm. We decided he was definitely a Matthew.
I didn't expect to be so shaky after the surgery, but finally recovered enough to try nursing. It was frustrating at first, but we finally caught on after a few days. The days in the hospital were a blur, but it was wonderful with deeper emotions than I could have imagined. And even though things didn't turn out how I wanted, I learned to value relationship above any dreams I might have.
Thank you Cindy for sharing your story. What a sweet blessing Matthew is!
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