If you are just now joining us for the Why I'm Not Babywise Series, Welcome! Please take some time to read the previous posts, especially my Intro/Disclaimer so you can read the rest of the posts in context. I am seeking to be very sensitive to my readers who may implement Babywise. I pray we can all show one another grace as we seek to parent all of our babies in the way God leads us. I invite considerate comments, whether you agree or disagree.
As I have different moms share their stories about what did or did not work for them from Babywise please be considerate of their thoughts and feelings. This is my friend Natelie's story. She is one of my few "real life" mom friends with which I can really share my heart about parenting. She has been SUCH a huge blessing. We both had very colicky newborns and spent many hours together bouncing our babies in their Moby Wraps while we talked and encouraged one another. She is such a sensitive, tender-hearted mom and a wonderful friend. Without further ado, here is her story:
Before having children, I had visions of how I thought that I would parent and what things would be like as a mom. I am a very routine and scheduled person and knew that my child would just adapt to my schedule. I like to go when I want to and do what I want and a little one wasn't going to change that much. Cry it out? Most definitely. It won't hurt them and they will learn to sleep when needed. I will feed them as the books recommend and ensure that they are getting the proper amount of sleep as instructed. I thought that I had things figured out for the most part and didn't think that there was much I couldn't handle.
Reality check!! I did not have things figured out in the slightest. When Isaac was born, it felt like my world was almost instantly turned upside down. Once I held this little one in my arms, my views, ideas, and perceptions of things changed. When God blessed and entrusted ME with this son, I suddenly didn't feel the same way about things.
I felt such a strong desire to nurture and build a trusting relationship with Isaac. I wanted him to know that I was there to respond to his needs. I wanted to learn what his cries meant and respond to them in the proper manner. I wanted to build a secure attachment with him. I realized that it was important not to use any book as a blueprint for parenting, but to pick and choose what works best for you and your child. I learned that each child is so different and responds to things differently. So, having my child adapt to and being able to follow my regimented plan, WAS NOT going to work.
After bringing Isaac home from the hospital, my husband and I realized that he was a high need/colicky baby. There was hardly anything that we could do to console him. We tried everything. He was having some gastrointestinal issues and I knew that he was in pain. The only way that he could communicate the pain, his need for attention, hunger, or need for sleep was by crying. I was responsible for providing for those needs and responding to them with love and gentleness.
As Isaac got older, I was able to recognize what each of the cries meant and what HE needed. Therefore, I was able to respond quickly and make him a happier baby. I never solely went by a schedule that was dictated by times.
When Isaac was about nine months old, my husband and I decided that we did need to let him cry it out, as he needed to learn to sleep through the night. At this point, I knew that he had enough food to sustain him through the night and was capable of sleeping this length of time. We did try everything before resorting to this method, but this method was the only thing that was effective. This was quite hard though. However, I realize that parenting also involves doing things that aren't fun, but are the best things for your child.
After being a parent this last year, I realize that I absolutely don't have everything figured out. Yet, it has become so clear that each child is their own unique little body that God wove together. It is so important that we foster and nurture that uniqueness. It is important to stay educated with different philosophies and ideas, but use your own discretion on what will work well for your family. I do believe that reacting to your child's needs with compassion is essential. I often asked myself, "How would I want to be treated? How would I want my needs to be met if I wanted attention, was in pain, hungry, or needed sleep?" Above all, I have learned that with God, I can handle anything.
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| Isaac and Baby Girl playing after a babywearing walk |
