If you are just now joining us for the Why I'm Not Babywise Series, Welcome! Please take some time to read the previous posts, especially my Intro/Disclaimer so you can read the rest of the posts in context. I am seeking to be very sensitive to my readers who may implement Babywise. I pray we can all show one another grace as we seek to parent all of our babies in the way God leads us. I invite considerate comments, whether you agree or disagree.
As I have different moms share their stories about what did or did not work for them from Babywise please be considerate of their thoughts and feelings. This is one mom's story about going from a "mainstream mom to a "crazy" attachment parenting mom". You can read more from her at her blog, The Dawley's. So without further ado, this is Carrie Dawley's story:
While I was pregnant, I had several friends and coworkers recommend "Babywise" to me. I was told that it was a great book that has allowed them to raise "good" children that slept through the night as early as 8 weeks old. This sounded too good to be true. How did more people not know about this amazing book?! I couldn't get to Borders fast enough to check it out.
As I started reading it, I knew that I wanted to be the family that had the easy baby. I did not want to be that crazy, sleep-deprived attachment parenting family! The Ezzo's did a fine job of showing two different extremes to instill fear into parents. I mean, who doesn't want the easy baby? As I continued to read; however, I felt a little uneasy. A lot of things in the book just didn't sit right with me, and I stopped reading the book after a few chapters. I didn't know how I was going to parent (I don't think any of us really do until we're thrown into it), but I knew I couldn't follow Babywise.
In the early days of motherhood, I had many people giving me advice. I was told that my daughter was being spoiled by me holding her all of the time even as a newborn. I was told that she needed alone time in her crib throughout the day so she could learn to be independent. This advice from women I love and respect, felt so very wrong to me. I followed my heart and ignored this well-meaning advice just as I ignored Babywise.
As time went on, I continued to ignore parenting advice I received. I went from the mainstream parent I thought I would be, to that "crazy" attachment parenting mother. The biggest aspects of attachment parenting that I followed that I never imagined I would do are babywearing and co-sleeping.
Babywearing
I held my daughter constantly in those early days, even as she slept. I hated putting her down. We had a fancy swing and I always felt so guilty putting her down so I could go do things around the house. To solve this problem, I bought a Moby Wrap and started wearing her while I did housework and ran errands. I continued to wear her when I started back to work when she was 3 months old. As soon as I would come home from work, I would hold her (even while she slept) or wear her. It really helped us to reconnect after being apart. And now even though I quit my job, am a stay-at-home mom, and my daughter is almost 13 months old, I still wear her when she needs to be close, when we go on walks, and when we run errands. She prefers our Ergo carrier to the cart or stroller, and she actually gets excited when I pull out the Ergo. It feels great to know that she loves babywearing just as much as I do!
Co-Sleeping
Before I became a mom, I didn't see the point of babies sleeping in bassinets in the parents room for their first few weeks. My daughter's room is right across the hall, and that seemed close enough to me. I had no plans of having her sleep in our room.
When we brought her home from the hospital, however, we had her sleep in a co-sleeper next to our bed. It felt wrong not having her right by me. As time went on, she continued to sleep in our room and eventually it turned into our bed. I used to get up and feed her in the rocking chair in her room, but I quickly started feeding her while laying in bed. Getting up felt weird to me, but keeping her close in bed while feeding her didn't. Again, I followed my heart and instincts. These days, my daughter naps in her crib and goes to sleep in her crib at night. If she wakes up at night, we always bring her to bed with us. It's just what feels right to us. It is such an awesome feeling to wake up with my two favorite people in the world. I love waking up in the morning to my daughter's big smile and loving pats. I cherish these moments because they are only temporary. Before I know it, she will sleep through the night consistently and not need us at all.
I have received a lot of criticism about my parenting. I have been told that I need to let my daughter cry-it-out, that we will never get her out of our bed, that she won't be independent and will never want to be put down, that we'll hinder her mobility, that we'll ruin our marriage, etc., etc., etc. It is hard to hear the advice and criticism, but it is getting easier because I know that people couldn't be more wrong. My daughter has an amazing bond with my husband and I. I know what she wants, thinks, or needs without her saying a word. We are so connected. And at the same time, she is very independent. She loves doing things on her own, but she always returns from exploring to hug me or pat me. While she is feisty and spirited, she is also very loving and compassionate. She is full of hugs and pats for her mommy and daddy, doggie, and the little baby that I babysit. I am so proud of the sweet little person she is becoming. And my marriage is just as strong as ever!
As I continue this parenting journey, I know that it is so important for me to ignore the advice and books and just follow my heart and God-given instincts. When I do that, I can't go wrong.
While I haven't followed the parenting advice I've been given, I do have advice for other parents.:) My advice is to follow your heart. This will most likely will result in a parenting style that is different from mine, but it will definitely result in a style that is perfect for your family. No book, especially Babywise, knows your unique child and family. No other parent does either. Different things work for different families, and only you know what works for yours.
