If you are just now joining us for the Why I'm Not Babywise Series, Welcome! Please take the time to read the rest of the posts in the series and feel free to leave comments or send me an email.
My baby girl was a very fussy baby (acid reflux, food sensitivities, etc.) and we spent a lot of time walking outside with her in the Ergo to keep her calm. I would spend a lot of time praying as I walked along. There were many days when I was just so exhausted and doubting if we were doing things the right way, especially as I heard about "easier" babies that were already sleeping through the night. Of course, I wanted her to sleep through the night so I could sleep through the night, but I wanted to really think through what methods I would use to make this happen. I really wanted to pray through all of our parenting decisions.
I am not saying that just because the Lord led us to make certain decisions for our baby, that He will lead you to make the same decisions for your baby. However, I do ask you to consider this alternative way of thinking presented in this series, especially if have read and are implementing Babywise. I am not saying you are wrong and I am right and the Lord revealed something to me and not to you, I am simply asking you to hear me out. At the end of the day, we may still have to agree to disagree and seek to show one another love and grace.
My dialogue with the Lord would often go something like this: "Lord, I don't know what to do. There are so many different opinions out there. I know that you want me to respond sensitively to the needs of my baby. I know you respond sensitively to me. When I look in your word and study about what kind of Father you are to me I see compassion and response and sensitivity.You respond to my cries day and night. I know that my baby is not trying to manipulate me. Lord, I know you created babies to communicate their needs by crying and that she is not crying to manipulate me. I know that. But it is so hard. Please help me to continue to die to myself and serve her. Please help me to be the kind of parent to her that you are to me. Lord, your word tells us that you will never leave us or forsake us. The Psalms say over and over how you respond to the cries of your children day and night. Lord, even if you don't change the circumstance that is causing me discomfort I know you are holding me as I "cry" and work through it. Lord, I know you are more than just a God of love. You are a just God, a fair God, a holy God, a perfect God, and a wrathful God. But towards your children more than anything you show us love and grace. You sent Christ to be the picture of love and grace. He showed us how to be servants and to sacrifice for others. Your word says to consider the needs of others more important than ourselves. Lord, I had no idea you would give me a baby with acid reflux and other conditions that would cause her to be so fussy, but I thank you for creating her exactly as she is. You are teaching me so much about patience, grace, servanthood, and love. It is hard Lord, but I just have to depend on your grace that much more. Lord, sometimes I am tempted just to put her through boot-camp and train her because that is what the "books" say and that is what many of my friends say, but each time I consider that I feel a check in my Spirit and I feel you leading me in a different direction. I feel you leading me to respond sensitively and to comfort her. I feel you telling me to parent her the way you parent me. Lord, I know as she gets bigger there will be times when she must cry because I am not giving her something that she wants but doesn't need. But Lord, I know you have created babies with wants that are the same as needs. Her needs need to be met the same way you meet my needs. I think back to when I was a new believer and how vulnerable I was and how needy I was. I needed constant reminders of your love and I needed constant encouragement from those that had led me to you. If my "newborn Christian needs" had been ignored by you or by others I don't know where I would be now. I would have not had the faith in you or the trust in you that I needed to continue to grow in my relationship with you Lord. Lord, please continue to lead me by your Spirit and guide me every moment of every hour. Please help me to be sensitive to your Spirit and to parent my baby according to the principles of your Word. Please help me to continue to lovingly respond to her even when I don't feel like it. Lord, help me to show her your character and the character of your Son through the way I parent her."
This was my prayer day after day through the newborn months and still today as well. I hope it can encourage you as you pray through how to parent a newborn and an infant, and really any age child. We need to be led by the Spirit and not the "doctrine of men" as we parent our children in each stage of life. God is the only expert on each baby. Gary Ezzo is not the expert on every single baby. God is the ONLY expert on each baby, and He will lead each of us if we take the time to listen and clear out all the other voices that tell us they know how to raise kids God's way. God is the only expert on raising kids His way. Listen to Him and let Him lead you. It might take more faith and more prayer and more time than reading the methods of men in many of the popular baby books, but it will help you to be more sensitive to the Lord and more sensitive to your baby, and that is always a good thing. :)
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Monday, April 11, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
What kind of mother am I? The Gospel and Attachment Parenting
(originally posted at Memphis Misfit Mama)
What do I want to define me as a mother and a parent? I talk a lot about Attachment Parenting, and although that is the parenting style I fall most in line with, it is more important that I am a biblical parent and a gospel-centered parent. I can be as attached as possible with my children, but if I do not give them the gospel I have failed as a mother.
More than anything, I want my children to see and hear the gospel from me. I want them to hear me tell them and others the gospel, and I want them to see me live it out. I want them to know that Jesus loves me, that I love Jesus, and that Jesus loves them. I want their lives to be transformed by the gospel at a young age, and for them to live out a gospel-centered, Christ-centered life. If I breastfeed for five years, co-sleep for ten, baby wear 12 hours a day, and never let my baby cry, yet neglect the gospel I have failed. I love the tool of attachment parenting style, but it cannot change my child from the inside out. I do believe that an attached style is beneficial for the overall well-being and emotional development of my child, but the gospel is still the most important thing I can give my children.
I want my parenting to be based on principles from the bible, and I want my parenting to model the kind of parent God is to me. I want my parenting to model the character and servanthood of Christ.
Although you will not find a certain "parenting style" in the bible, as I thought about how we were parenting our baby girl as a newborn, I felt it modeled how God parents us when we are new Christians. God is a tender, gentle God that wants his newly adopted children to sense a secure attachment to Him as Father. When a new Christian cries out because they are hungry for more manna, more Word, He is going to meet that need. Whoever is discipling this new believer should do the same. The spiritual parent of this new believer would never say, "I'm sorry. It is not time for you to read more of the Bible or for me to teach the Bible to you again. You can only read it every four hours. And if you wake up in the middle of the night, don't pray because God only listens and responds during the day." How absurd would this be? We know that God lovingly responds to our cries day and night. He never turns a deaf ear and allows us to cry it out. We may cry, but we never cry alone. And God would never make us go without His word, the bread of life. If we want this bread every hour He will meet that need. I also thought a lot about the passage in Isaiah about God carrying us close to His heart. As a parent that had to babywear to keep my baby content, I couldn't help but think of how God carries us close to His heart when we are upset.
No, you won't find a verse in the bible that tells you that you should or shouldn't let your newborn cry it out, but you will find plenty of verses about God answering us when we cry out to Him day OR NIGHT. You won't find verses that say you should or should not rock your newborn to sleep or wear your baby in a carrier, but you will find a lot of verses about God comforting us and passages like the one in Isaiah about carrying us.
As the mother of a fussy newborn baby that utilized attachment parenting tools, I was exhausted most days. I went on many walks as I wore my baby and I spent a lot of time thinking about the way we were doing things and praying about them as I walked along. Over and over again, I kept being reminded of the kind of parent God is to me. He is a God that meets my needs and answers me when I cry out to Him. I felt convinced that this was how I should parent my baby.
Many may argue that an attached style is not biblical and that it spoils a baby and feeds their sin nature. I disagree, but I will share more on that when I do a series on "My Breakup with Babywise." I am convinced that a newborn's cries are a reflex to communicate needs. I am convinced that a newborn's needs and wants are the same thing and that they are crying to communicate and not manipulate. Although my baby cried A LOT I never felt manipulated in those newborn months. I felt that based on the whole counsel of Scripture an attached style of parenting was a biblical style and that it modeled the character of God to my little one. Many that I love and respect disagree, but this is what the Lord led me to for our family.
Still, more than an attached parenting style or any other parenting style, what my child needs most is the gospel. She needs Jesus. I feel practicing a more attached style models this to her, but more than anything I hope I model Jesus to her, and I pray she sees the gospel in my parenting.
So, as I start a series on Attachment Parenting, please know that I believe the gospel is much more important and crucial for my child. I belief AP is VERY beneficial, but that the gospel is CRUCIAL. The gospel is the ONE THING I must not neglect as a parent.
What do I want to define me as a mother and a parent? I talk a lot about Attachment Parenting, and although that is the parenting style I fall most in line with, it is more important that I am a biblical parent and a gospel-centered parent. I can be as attached as possible with my children, but if I do not give them the gospel I have failed as a mother.
More than anything, I want my children to see and hear the gospel from me. I want them to hear me tell them and others the gospel, and I want them to see me live it out. I want them to know that Jesus loves me, that I love Jesus, and that Jesus loves them. I want their lives to be transformed by the gospel at a young age, and for them to live out a gospel-centered, Christ-centered life. If I breastfeed for five years, co-sleep for ten, baby wear 12 hours a day, and never let my baby cry, yet neglect the gospel I have failed. I love the tool of attachment parenting style, but it cannot change my child from the inside out. I do believe that an attached style is beneficial for the overall well-being and emotional development of my child, but the gospel is still the most important thing I can give my children.
I want my parenting to be based on principles from the bible, and I want my parenting to model the kind of parent God is to me. I want my parenting to model the character and servanthood of Christ.
Although you will not find a certain "parenting style" in the bible, as I thought about how we were parenting our baby girl as a newborn, I felt it modeled how God parents us when we are new Christians. God is a tender, gentle God that wants his newly adopted children to sense a secure attachment to Him as Father. When a new Christian cries out because they are hungry for more manna, more Word, He is going to meet that need. Whoever is discipling this new believer should do the same. The spiritual parent of this new believer would never say, "I'm sorry. It is not time for you to read more of the Bible or for me to teach the Bible to you again. You can only read it every four hours. And if you wake up in the middle of the night, don't pray because God only listens and responds during the day." How absurd would this be? We know that God lovingly responds to our cries day and night. He never turns a deaf ear and allows us to cry it out. We may cry, but we never cry alone. And God would never make us go without His word, the bread of life. If we want this bread every hour He will meet that need. I also thought a lot about the passage in Isaiah about God carrying us close to His heart. As a parent that had to babywear to keep my baby content, I couldn't help but think of how God carries us close to His heart when we are upset.
No, you won't find a verse in the bible that tells you that you should or shouldn't let your newborn cry it out, but you will find plenty of verses about God answering us when we cry out to Him day OR NIGHT. You won't find verses that say you should or should not rock your newborn to sleep or wear your baby in a carrier, but you will find a lot of verses about God comforting us and passages like the one in Isaiah about carrying us.
As the mother of a fussy newborn baby that utilized attachment parenting tools, I was exhausted most days. I went on many walks as I wore my baby and I spent a lot of time thinking about the way we were doing things and praying about them as I walked along. Over and over again, I kept being reminded of the kind of parent God is to me. He is a God that meets my needs and answers me when I cry out to Him. I felt convinced that this was how I should parent my baby.
Many may argue that an attached style is not biblical and that it spoils a baby and feeds their sin nature. I disagree, but I will share more on that when I do a series on "My Breakup with Babywise." I am convinced that a newborn's cries are a reflex to communicate needs. I am convinced that a newborn's needs and wants are the same thing and that they are crying to communicate and not manipulate. Although my baby cried A LOT I never felt manipulated in those newborn months. I felt that based on the whole counsel of Scripture an attached style of parenting was a biblical style and that it modeled the character of God to my little one. Many that I love and respect disagree, but this is what the Lord led me to for our family.
Still, more than an attached parenting style or any other parenting style, what my child needs most is the gospel. She needs Jesus. I feel practicing a more attached style models this to her, but more than anything I hope I model Jesus to her, and I pray she sees the gospel in my parenting.
So, as I start a series on Attachment Parenting, please know that I believe the gospel is much more important and crucial for my child. I belief AP is VERY beneficial, but that the gospel is CRUCIAL. The gospel is the ONE THING I must not neglect as a parent.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Reading List: Parenting books, Discipline, etc.
(if you're reading on facebook check out the original post at Memphis Misfit Mama)
So, here is a list of books I would like to read over the next few months, or many months. This isn't a list of recommendations because I haven't read them yet so therefore can't recommend them, but I will review them as I read them and post here.
Here is the list:
So, here is a list of books I would like to read over the next few months, or many months. This isn't a list of recommendations because I haven't read them yet so therefore can't recommend them, but I will review them as I read them and post here.
Here is the list:
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Favorite Things
Okay, so if you've seen the Oprah Show where she gives away her favorite things, that is not what I am doing...just listing some of my favorite things, brands, baby products so you can check them out. :)
Baby products:
Ergo Baby Carrier : This is by far my favorite baby carrier for infants. DD and I use it almost daily. We use it around the house, out on 3 mile walks, running errands, you name it. I have never had any back pain while using it. The support for the lower back is amazing and it is also so cozy for baby. It goes up to 35 lbs and the baby can ride on front, back or your hip. Love it!
Moby Wrap: Loved this carrier for newborn stage and for around the house when she was bigger. Although the back support is pretty good, I have found the Ergo to be better. Still, the Moby is way better for your back than most other carriers on the market. I loved the Moby because the baby is so close and snug, and the Moby really is so cute and comes in so many colors and designs. So you can truly accessorize with it!
Miracle Blanket -Baby Swaddling Blanket -Beige
We absolutely loved the Miracle Blanket. It made swaddling so easy and there are pieces of material that even keep their arms in place so they can't break free. I swear it added a good two hours onto her sleep at night when she was a newborn. Great for soothing fussy babies too!
Cloud b Sleep Sheep - Four Soothing Sounds From Nature
We used our Sleep Sheep all the time. When she was little we used this at every sleep time and also at fussy times.
Exercise Ball
TKO Anti Burst Fitness Ball Set 75cm
DD loved to be bounced. I didn't get the great idea of using a bouncy ball until way too late, but will know better next time. This really saved the back and legs.
Flip Diaper with stay dry insert
We love our cloth diapers. I researched what felt like millions of cloth diapers and Flips had the best reviews and we love them. They are very absorbent and very easy to tote around since they have inserts you put in and out. Love our Flips!
Evenfo Farmyard Mega ExerSaucer
DD loves her Exersaucer and I do too! I usually put her in it while I shower and dry my hair so I am glad she loves it so much! I don't know what I would do without it.
We love B. Toys. I first discovered them at Target. They are so cute and so clever! And 10 cents of every purchase helps get kids out of slavery. And their packaging is reusable and eco-friendly. Did I mention we love their toys? We just got her the toys to the left and she has had such a great time playing music and making noise!
Love the brand California Baby. I also came across them at Target. Their products are natural and safe, free of dangerous chemicals and carcinogens. And their diaper rash cream is cloth diaper compatible! We use California Baby for all of DD's cosmetic needs!
Earth Mama Angel Baby Organic Milkmaid Tea, 16 Teabags/Box (Pack of 3)
Love this company and all their products, especially their organic tea. I regularly drink their Milkmaid Tea to help keep my supply up. They also have tea called Peaceful Mama tea to help with depression.
Melissa & Doug 100 Piece Wood Blocks Set
Love Melissa and Doug toys! I just love the classic wooden toys compared to the plastic everything these days. It just has a good feeling to it to be playing with wood. Something traditional about it that I love.
Cathy the Caterpillar, as we have named her. DD loves this toy and has since she was a newborn. Calmed many fussy car rides with this thing. And it is educational too. I love Leap Frog toys. It is nice to know that your kids can play and learn at the same time.
Well, I will have to do a separate post for books that DD loves...there are a lot!
Baby products:
Ergo Baby Carrier : This is by far my favorite baby carrier for infants. DD and I use it almost daily. We use it around the house, out on 3 mile walks, running errands, you name it. I have never had any back pain while using it. The support for the lower back is amazing and it is also so cozy for baby. It goes up to 35 lbs and the baby can ride on front, back or your hip. Love it!
Moby Wrap: Loved this carrier for newborn stage and for around the house when she was bigger. Although the back support is pretty good, I have found the Ergo to be better. Still, the Moby is way better for your back than most other carriers on the market. I loved the Moby because the baby is so close and snug, and the Moby really is so cute and comes in so many colors and designs. So you can truly accessorize with it!
Miracle Blanket -Baby Swaddling Blanket -Beige
We absolutely loved the Miracle Blanket. It made swaddling so easy and there are pieces of material that even keep their arms in place so they can't break free. I swear it added a good two hours onto her sleep at night when she was a newborn. Great for soothing fussy babies too!
Cloud b Sleep Sheep - Four Soothing Sounds From Nature
We used our Sleep Sheep all the time. When she was little we used this at every sleep time and also at fussy times.
Exercise Ball
TKO Anti Burst Fitness Ball Set 75cm
DD loved to be bounced. I didn't get the great idea of using a bouncy ball until way too late, but will know better next time. This really saved the back and legs.
Flip Diaper with stay dry insert
We love our cloth diapers. I researched what felt like millions of cloth diapers and Flips had the best reviews and we love them. They are very absorbent and very easy to tote around since they have inserts you put in and out. Love our Flips!
Evenfo Farmyard Mega ExerSaucer
DD loves her Exersaucer and I do too! I usually put her in it while I shower and dry my hair so I am glad she loves it so much! I don't know what I would do without it.
We love B. Toys. I first discovered them at Target. They are so cute and so clever! And 10 cents of every purchase helps get kids out of slavery. And their packaging is reusable and eco-friendly. Did I mention we love their toys? We just got her the toys to the left and she has had such a great time playing music and making noise!
Love the brand California Baby. I also came across them at Target. Their products are natural and safe, free of dangerous chemicals and carcinogens. And their diaper rash cream is cloth diaper compatible! We use California Baby for all of DD's cosmetic needs!
Earth Mama Angel Baby Organic Milkmaid Tea, 16 Teabags/Box (Pack of 3)
Love this company and all their products, especially their organic tea. I regularly drink their Milkmaid Tea to help keep my supply up. They also have tea called Peaceful Mama tea to help with depression.
Melissa & Doug 100 Piece Wood Blocks Set
Love Melissa and Doug toys! I just love the classic wooden toys compared to the plastic everything these days. It just has a good feeling to it to be playing with wood. Something traditional about it that I love.
Cathy the Caterpillar, as we have named her. DD loves this toy and has since she was a newborn. Calmed many fussy car rides with this thing. And it is educational too. I love Leap Frog toys. It is nice to know that your kids can play and learn at the same time.
Well, I will have to do a separate post for books that DD loves...there are a lot!
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