Kicking Off Birth Story Week...Stacy Leigh of My Messy Manger shares her story of a planned home birth that ended up in a C-section, and her thoughts on how things turned out

Jude’s Birth

Jude was due Saturday, February 7th, 2009, and we were planning to welcome him into our arms in the comfort of our own home. By mid-December, my midwife started to get concerned that he was still breech. She suggested that we try a few things to help him turn, and we tried EVERYTHING—laying inverted on an ironing board propped on the edge of the couch, flips in the indoor pool at the seminary, playing music and shining lights at the bottom of my belly, even moxibustion—but nothing worked. Finally, she tried turning him by pushing him with her hands (called an External Cephalic Version, or ECV), but she said she could feel his heels digging into her hand refusing to be moved. So we accepted that maybe he had a reason for not turning that we couldn’t see, but we continued to pray that he would turn before he was born.

Our midwife teamed up with another midwife who had breech birth experience, and we prepared for a homebirth, but were very realistic about the risks and the possibility of transferring to the hospital if everything didn’t go perfectly.

My mom came to visit us the Tuesday before he was due, and on Wednesday evening we walked several power laps around the mall. I had been having Braxton-Hicks contractions since about 20 weeks, and they got stronger after walking at the mall, but eventually petered out.

At 10 o’clock, we laid down to go to bed and I suddenly felt a *pop* and water started gushing all over our bed like a tsunami! I laid in bed and just laughed because it felt so weird. We knew this was it, so Josh started a pot of coffee and began filling the birth pool. I called the midwife and she came right over. Immediately, regular and intense contractions started coming. The midwife arrived, checked my progress, and said I was already 6cm dilated! Over halfway there and labor had just begun! We called the doula and told her to come on, anticipating that things would move quickly.

I showered and changed, stopping to relax and breathe through contractions. We made our way to the living room, and I had just knelt down against the couch when I felt a big kick and a rush of what I thought was more water. But the midwife told Josh to start the car—we were going straight to the hospital. It was blood that came out with that kick, and she was concerned. I was very disappointed, but I trusted the midwife and wanted the best for Jude. She continued listening to his heartbeat while Josh and Mom scrambled to get things together to go to the hospital, and his heartbeat stayed fine. She cautiously decided that as long as his heartbeat was fine, we could stay at home, so we did.

In order to keep a close eye on any more potential blood loss, the midwife said I shouldn’t get in the birth pool. I labored all night on the couch, sleeping between contractions (which has spaced out to about 15 minutes apart) and holding onto Josh during them. During this time I was also really cold.  I had every blanket in the house on top of me as I slept and labored.

Around morning, things started to pick back up.  During every contraction, I needed someone to squeeze my hips together as hard as they could.  I can’t explain it, but without the squeezing, it felt like I was going to split in half, but when someone was squeezing me, the contractions hardly bothered me at all.  I honestly enjoyed relaxing so deeply during contractions, and I’m told that I was one of the happiest, most polite laboring women that my birth team had ever seen!  I tried to stay positive, and when a contraction would be particularly intense, I would say, “Oh that was a good one!” I also kept thanking people, especially the doula (who did most of the hip squeezing), for helping me and doing things for me.

I remember asking the midwife around 4 AM if I was in transition, and she said that she thought I was.  I just knew it wouldn’t be much longer.

I tried to get back in the shower one more time, and the hot water felt SO good and helped so much, but it also made Jude’s heart rate rise.  The cooler water didn’t help as much, so we got out and went back to the living room.

Because Jude was feet first, rather than head or even butt first, and there wasn’t much pressure being put on my cervix, I never fully dilated. We kept waiting, hoping things would change, when around 8 or 9 AM, one of Jude’s feet pushed its way out into the world! Around the same time, my body started doing less contracting and more pushing.  I was fighting the urge to push in every way I knew how, but it was getting stronger and stronger.  I kept hoping that I would soon be fully dilated and it would be okay to let my body push him out, but it never happened. We knew that it wasn’t safe for him to be born unless I was fully dilated, so finally, at about 10 AM, we made the very difficult decision to transfer to the hospital for a c-section.

We checked into the ER and a lady started to enter my information into the computer.  After just a minute or so, I had a contraction and she realized that this was not early labor!  She jotted a few critical things down on paper and hurried us through.  A male nurse came with a wheelchair to take me to the exam room, but I couldn’t sit down because of his foot!  So I rode on my knees facing the nurse.  It was pretty comical.

Getting the epidural was probably the most painful, traumatic experience I’ve ever been through, and I’m not exaggerating in the least, but I won’t go into those details. The actual surgery/birth didn’t hurt at all.  It was a weird feeling; my belly felt like a big Jello Jiggler that kept jiggling around as they… I don’t know… did whatever they had to do to get him out.  Soon, we heard him cry.  He was finally born!  They took him over to weigh him and clean him up while they put me back together (more weird jiggling).  12 pounds and three ounces! I knew he felt big, but WOW!

It was so hard to hear him cry and not be able to comfort him. The doctor asked Josh if he had a camera.  We had forgotten it!  So his very first picture was taken with Daddy’s cell phone.  It is still difficult for me to look at that picture because his is crying so hard and he looks so cold, scared, and lonely.  This was not the way that I wanted him to be welcomed into this world. 

Nevertheless, Jude Elijah Hutchens was finally here and we couldn’t possibly love him more. I wouldn’t change a thing about his birth because I know that it was just the way he had to be born. I am so encouraged by the wonderful labor I had and how the contractions were actually pretty manageable the whole time.  I am also humbled by the incredible midwives and doula who believed in me enough to even give me a chance for a breech home birth, and thankful for the kind ER doctor who performed the c-section. I still believe in birth and look forward to my future VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) babies.

Stacy Leigh blogs at My Messy Manger about crafting, recipes, her family, motherhood, her time in Moldova, and is posting a photo a day all year long. I respect her so much as a mother, friend, and blogger and hope you will head over and check out her blog! 

Slideshow of Mama and Baby Animals

Slideshow of Mama and Baby Animals

Happy Mothers Day Mamas! Thanks for keeping your bathroom safe...

Happy Mother’s Day!

Have you seen The Story of Cosmetics? It's a short online film about toxic chemicals in cosmetics, including everyday products that moms buy for their families, like bubble bath, shampoo and lotions. Since you’re a mom who cares about the health of your family, I thought you might want to watch it, too!

Click on the video image to watch, or visit www.storyofcosmetics.org. Thanks for all you do to keep your family - and our larger community - safe! 

See you next week for Birth Story Week!!!

From Mainstream Mama to "Crazy" Mama. One Mom's story. (Babywise Series)

If you are just now joining us for the Why I'm Not Babywise Series, Welcome! Please take some time to read the previous posts, especially my Intro/Disclaimer so you can read the rest of the posts in context. I am seeking to be very sensitive to my readers who may implement Babywise. I pray we can all show one another grace as we seek to parent all of our babies in the way God leads us. I invite considerate comments, whether you agree or disagree. 

As I have different moms share their stories about what did or did not work for them from Babywise please be considerate of their thoughts and feelings. This is one mom's story about going from a "mainstream mom to a "crazy" attachment parenting mom". You can read more from her at her blog, The Dawley's. So without further ado, this is Carrie Dawley's story:

 

 

While I was pregnant, I had several friends and coworkers recommend "Babywise" to me.  I was told that it was a great book that has allowed them to raise "good" children that slept through the night as early as 8 weeks old.  This sounded too good to be true.  How did more people not know about this amazing book?!  I couldn't get to Borders fast enough to check it out.  

 

As I started reading it, I knew that I wanted to be the family that had the easy baby.  I did not want to be that crazy, sleep-deprived attachment parenting family!  The Ezzo's did a fine job of showing two different extremes to instill fear into parents.  I mean, who doesn't want the easy baby?  As I continued to read; however, I felt a little uneasy.  A lot of things in the book just didn't sit right with me, and I stopped reading the book after a few chapters.  I didn't know how I was going to parent (I don't think any of us really do until we're thrown into it), but I knew I couldn't follow Babywise.

 

In the early days of motherhood, I had many people giving me advice.  I was told that my daughter was being spoiled by me holding her all of the time even as a newborn.  I was told that she needed alone time in her crib throughout the day so she could learn to be independent.  This advice from women I love and respect, felt so very wrong to me.  I followed my heart and ignored this well-meaning advice just as I ignored Babywise.  

 

As time went on, I continued to ignore parenting advice I received.  I went from the mainstream parent I thought I would be, to that "crazy" attachment parenting mother.  The biggest aspects of attachment parenting that I followed that I never imagined I would do are babywearing and co-sleeping.

 

Babywearing

I held my daughter constantly in those early days, even as she slept.  I hated putting her down.  We had a fancy swing and I always felt so guilty putting her down so I could go do things around the house.  To solve this problem, I bought a Moby Wrap and started wearing her while I did housework and ran errands.  I continued to wear her when I started back to work when she was 3 months old.  As soon as I would come home from work, I would hold her (even while she slept) or wear her.  It really helped us to reconnect after being apart.  And now even though I quit my job, am a stay-at-home mom, and my daughter is almost 13 months old, I still wear her when she needs to be close, when we go on walks, and when we run errands.  She prefers our Ergo carrier to the cart or stroller, and she actually gets excited when I pull out the Ergo.  It feels great to know that she loves babywearing just as much as I do!

 

Co-Sleeping

Before I became a mom, I didn't see the point of babies sleeping in bassinets in the parents room for their first few weeks.  My daughter's room is right across the hall, and that seemed close enough to me.  I had no plans of having her sleep in our room. 

When we brought her home from the hospital, however, we had her sleep in a co-sleeper next to our bed. It felt wrong not having her right by me.  As time went on, she continued to sleep in our room and eventually it turned into our bed. I used to get up and feed her in the rocking chair in her room, but I quickly started feeding her while laying in bed.  Getting up felt weird to me, but keeping her close in bed while feeding her didn't.  Again, I followed my heart and instincts.  These days, my daughter naps in her crib and goes to sleep in her crib at night.  If she wakes up at night, we always bring her to bed with us.  It's just what feels right to us.  It is such an awesome feeling to wake up with my two favorite people in the world.  I love waking up in the morning to my daughter's big smile and loving pats.  I cherish these moments because they are only temporary.  Before I know it, she will sleep through the night consistently and not need us at all.

 

I have received a lot of criticism about my parenting.  I have been told that I need to let my daughter cry-it-out, that we will never get her out of our bed, that she won't be independent and will never want to be put down, that we'll hinder her mobility, that we'll ruin our marriage, etc., etc., etc.  It is hard to hear the advice and criticism, but it is getting easier because I know that people couldn't be more wrong.  My daughter has an amazing bond with my husband and I. I know what she wants, thinks, or needs without her saying a word.  We are so connected.  And at the same time, she is very independent.  She loves doing things on her own, but she always returns from exploring to hug me or pat me.  While she is feisty and spirited, she is also very loving and compassionate.  She is full of hugs and pats for her mommy and daddy, doggie, and the little baby that I babysit.  I am so proud of the sweet little person she is becoming.  And my marriage is just as strong as ever!

 

As I continue this parenting journey, I know that it is so important for me to ignore the advice and books and just follow my heart and God-given instincts.  When I do that, I can't go wrong.

 

While I haven't followed the parenting advice I've been given, I do have advice for other parents.:) My advice is to follow your heart.  This will most likely will result in a parenting style that is different from mine, but it will definitely result in a style that is perfect for your family.  No book, especially Babywise, knows your unique child and family.  No other parent does either. Different things work for different families, and only you know what works for yours.

Are babies born to BE SERVANTS or to BE SERVED? (Babywise series)

 

If you are just now joining us for the Why I'm Not Babywise Series, Welcome! Please take some time to read the previous posts, especially my Intro/Disclaimer so you can read the rest of the posts in context. I am seeking to be very sensitive to my readers who may implement Babywise. I pray we can all show one another grace as we seek to parent all of our babies in the way God leads us. I invite considerate comments, whether you agree or disagree.

"And whoever wants to be first must be slave of all.  For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:44-45

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,  not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus."Philippians 2:3-5

"Then people brought little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked them. Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there." Matthew 19:13-15

One of the main problems I have with Babywise (BW) or other Baby Training (BT) books is that there is an overall attitude that having a baby shouldn't really change life much. Well, let me tell you, a baby changes EVERYTHING! From cry-it-out (CIO) to rigid schedules to hands-off parenting, BT books teach you how to get your baby to cater to you.

" If you want to know what your day is going to be like each day so you can schedule outings with your friends or date nights with your husband then get that baby on a schedule. Don't let your baby rule the roost. Take charge!"

As I read BW the overall feel I got when I read it was that using BW will make your baby convenient. I got the impression that BW teaches a parent-centered style of baby rearing, instead of family centered or a baby sensitive style. Isn't it wrong to be self-centered? Especially in our parenting?

What does Jesus teach us? Jesus came to serve, not to be served. He is our ultimate example. In Philippians, Paul, inspired by God, tells us to value others above ourselves. Does this not include babies? He tells us to consider the interests of others. Does this not include babies and children? He tells us that in our relationship with ONE ANOTHER (babies are one another) to have the same mindset as Christ Jesus! Does this not include babies?

There is nothing convenient about living for Jesus and striving to become like Jesus. I am so far from what I should be. I am not the servant that I want to be or the servant that God calls me to be, but I am praying and striving to be more like Jesus in this area. Living for Jesus means dying to self daily and living for Him and for others. We are to be servants to others, and not expect others to serve us. We are to consider others BETTER than ourselves, even small babies.

Jesus took the time to love on children. When the disciples claimed Jesus was too busy and rebuked him for letting the children come to him, Jesus made a point to let the children sit on his lap and pray for them. There is no one busier that Jesus. The busiest mom on the planet isn't busier than Jesus. Did he view children as an inconvenience or a blessing?

I realize that no matter what sort of parenting style a mom follows (by choice or by default) that there is an element of sacrifice. Every good mother sacrifices for her children and serves her children. But what is the attitude of your heart? (again, asking myself this too)

When your baby needs to be nursed 30 minutes after they just ate do you view it as an opportunity to serve them and meet their needs, or as an inconvenience that is messing up your schedule? When your baby has a hard time settling down to sleep do you strive to serve them and meet their needs or do you view it as an inconvenience and force them to cry themselves to sleep? When your baby just needs some extra loving do you joyfully hold them or wear them or do you view it as an inconvenience that is keeping your from other things you need to get done? (I am asking these questions to myself too) No matter what parenting style we follow we all struggle with serving our babies and meeting their needs 24/7. But since when were babies supposed to serve our needs and be convenient? 

As I read BW and starting fantasizing about having that "perfect" baby that he described I was reminded of Jesus and how he came to serve and not to be served, and that he gave his life as a ransom for many. If I want my babies and children to see Jesus in me, I need to strive to be like Jesus in how I parent them. I don't need to try to get them to sleep through the night prematurely just so I can have a more convenient night of sleep. I don't need to force them onto a four hour feeding schedule that they are not physically ready for just because some author told me to. I don't need to stop nursing or rocking them to sleep for fear of spoiling them. All I need to do is be like Jesus to them and seek to meet their needs and serve them. That's it. 

Sacrifice, not convenience.

Why I Can't Make Mom Friends, & Birth Story Week

 

I first saw this video months ago and I can totally relate. Can you?

Also....Birth Story Week is coming up next week. I am looking for some of my readers to share their birth stories. If you had a natural birth or a home birth I am particularly interested in sharing your story. Please submit your story (reasonable in length) by Saturday May 7th at 10:00pm so I have time to edit and format them. Also if you'd like to attach a photo that would be great. You can email the birth stories to me at chalbond@gmail.com  (Also, if you have an adoption story you'd like to share I would love to post those as well)

Thanks so much! I look forward to reading them and sharing them!

How should a Christian respond to the death of Bin Laden?

 

photo credit

How should a Christian respond to the death of Osama bin Laden?

This post is more of me just thinking out loud than any sort of a position paper or conclusion on the subject.

I think a good place to start is by saying that this is obviously a great victory for the U.S. military. After almost ten years of searching for this man that murdered many Americans he has been found and "justice has been served". It probably also brings a little bit of peace and comfort to the families of 9/11 victims. Let me also say, that I am so thankful for the men and women who serve in the armed forces and sacrifice so much to keep our country safe. I know that the military is necessary and on one hand I am very much pro-military. I would not protest at the funeral of a fallen military person, I would attend and love on the family and be sad for the loss. The loss of any life is a great tragedy...unless they know Jesus, then there is also an element of joy. 

Let me repeat that so it sinks in, the loss of any life is a great tragedy.

Now all politics aside...

Let us think about this biblically and try to set politics aside for a moment. Let us think about Jesus, remember him? The one who said to turn the other cheek and if your enemy asks you to go one mile to go an extra mile also. The one who said to love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. The one who DID love his enemies and DID pray for those who persecuted him. The one who was led by his enemies like a sheep to the slaughter and opened not his mouth. The one who said, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." The one who died for ALL sinners that would repent and place their faith in Him. The one who died for you and me and Osama bin Laden. 

When I heard the news this morning I didn't know how to feel. You see, I have prayed for Osama bin Laden and Qaddafi and Ahmadinejad. I have prayed that the Lord would give them visions and dreams of Jesus and draw them to Himself. I have prayed that they would come to know Christ. I suppose no one can know if bin Laden might have had a vision of Christ the night before he was killed. God is Sovereign after all and knew this was all going to happen. Maybe he decided to be merciful and draw him to Himself in the hour of his death. I don't know. None of us do. I have heard many stories of God meeting Muslims in their dreams to present Christ and the gospel to them. Many Muslims have been converted to Christ through such dreams. So I pray this will happen for all Muslims and also for the radical leaders like Qaddafi and Ahmadinejad. 

It makes me think of Nebuchadnezzar in the book of Daniel. He was an evil king like many kings are past and present. He commanded that all bow to him and there were 3 young men who wouldn't. They were put in a blazing furnace to be killed and God protected them miraculously. Those looking on saw a "fourth person" in there with them. When they came out they didn't even smell of smoke. This was Neb's response:

 ²⁸ Then Nebuchadnezzar said, “Praise be to the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, who has sent his angel and rescued his servants! They trusted in him and defied the king’s command and were willing to give up their lives rather than serve or worship any god except their own God. ²⁹ Therefore I decree that the people of any nation or language who say anything against the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego be cut into pieces and their houses be turned into piles of rubble, for no other god can save in this way.”

Let us remember that God can change anyone's heart. He can change the hearts of evil kings and rulers if he pleases. Remember Saul of Tarsus who became Paul? He persecuted and killed many Christians, yet God was merciful to him. Jesus met him on the road to Damascus and brought salvation, mercy, grace, and forgiveness to this "enemy". Jesus died for his enemies, even men such as Osama bin Laden.

It makes me sad as I see Christians putting up facebook statuses being excited about Osama's death and "go USA", "We got him." Oh, and not to mention the videos of patriotic country songs. Although I understand their excitement our allegiance is first to a King, not a country. Our allegiance is to King Jesus first. We are Christians first, and Americans second. This is not our home. We are citizens of heaven. We should not rejoice in a soul spending eternity in hell, no matter who it is. We should love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. Right?! I mean, please tell me if I'm wrong. 

 I just read the parable in Matthew 18 about the unmerciful servant. He owed a rather large debt to his owner and begged for mercy from the owner. The owner granted him mercy and canceled his debt. Then this same servant wouldn't grant mercy to a fellow slave who owed him money. When the owner caught wind of it this is what he said:

  ³² “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. ³³ Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ ³⁴ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.    ³⁵ “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

We are that servant who should be begging for mercy from God. Let us not forget the sin debt that we have incurred towards a holy God. We are all sinners and if it weren't for the grace of God in our lives we could all be "Osama bin Laden." Paul says in 1 Timothy 1:15  "Here is a trustworthy statement that deserves full acceptance: Christ came into the world to save sinners- of who I am the worst." We should all echo that statement of Paul. As we come to grips with the holiness of God and our own sinfulness we should rightly say of ourselves that we are each individually the worst of sinners. Thanks be to God for Jesus Christ! 

Let us all turn to Jesus for salvation (if you haven't) and thank him for that salvation (if you are already his), American and Arab alike. Let us all seek to be like Jesus. Let us love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. Yes, even radical Muslim leaders. They are not too far from the grace of God.

What are your thoughts? How did you feel when you heard the news? How should a Christian think through this and respond to the death of bin Laden?

And for another great post on this subject... How should Christians think about the death of Bin Laden?