(originally posted at Memphis Misfit Mama)
What do I want to define me as a mother and a parent? I talk a lot about Attachment Parenting, and although that is the parenting style I fall most in line with, it is more important that I am a biblical parent and a gospel-centered parent. I can be as attached as possible with my children, but if I do not give them the gospel I have failed as a mother.
More than anything, I want my children to see and hear the gospel from me. I want them to hear me tell them and others the gospel, and I want them to see me live it out. I want them to know that Jesus loves me, that I love Jesus, and that Jesus loves them. I want their lives to be transformed by the gospel at a young age, and for them to live out a gospel-centered, Christ-centered life. If I breastfeed for five years, co-sleep for ten, baby wear 12 hours a day, and never let my baby cry, yet neglect the gospel I have failed. I love the tool of attachment parenting style, but it cannot change my child from the inside out. I do believe that an attached style is beneficial for the overall well-being and emotional development of my child, but the gospel is still the most important thing I can give my children.
I want my parenting to be based on principles from the bible, and I want my parenting to model the kind of parent God is to me. I want my parenting to model the character and servanthood of Christ.
Although you will not find a certain "parenting style" in the bible, as I thought about how we were parenting our baby girl as a newborn, I felt it modeled how God parents us when we are new Christians. God is a tender, gentle God that wants his newly adopted children to sense a secure attachment to Him as Father. When a new Christian cries out because they are hungry for more manna, more Word, He is going to meet that need. Whoever is discipling this new believer should do the same. The spiritual parent of this new believer would never say, "I'm sorry. It is not time for you to read more of the Bible or for me to teach the Bible to you again. You can only read it every four hours. And if you wake up in the middle of the night, don't pray because God only listens and responds during the day." How absurd would this be? We know that God lovingly responds to our cries day and night. He never turns a deaf ear and allows us to cry it out. We may cry, but we never cry alone. And God would never make us go without His word, the bread of life. If we want this bread every hour He will meet that need. I also thought a lot about the passage in Isaiah about God carrying us close to His heart. As a parent that had to babywear to keep my baby content, I couldn't help but think of how God carries us close to His heart when we are upset.
No, you won't find a verse in the bible that tells you that you should or shouldn't let your newborn cry it out, but you will find plenty of verses about God answering us when we cry out to Him day OR NIGHT. You won't find verses that say you should or should not rock your newborn to sleep or wear your baby in a carrier, but you will find a lot of verses about God comforting us and passages like the one in Isaiah about carrying us.
As the mother of a fussy newborn baby that utilized attachment parenting tools, I was exhausted most days. I went on many walks as I wore my baby and I spent a lot of time thinking about the way we were doing things and praying about them as I walked along. Over and over again, I kept being reminded of the kind of parent God is to me. He is a God that meets my needs and answers me when I cry out to Him. I felt convinced that this was how I should parent my baby.
Many may argue that an attached style is not biblical and that it spoils a baby and feeds their sin nature. I disagree, but I will share more on that when I do a series on "My Breakup with Babywise." I am convinced that a newborn's cries are a reflex to communicate needs. I am convinced that a newborn's needs and wants are the same thing and that they are crying to communicate and not manipulate. Although my baby cried A LOT I never felt manipulated in those newborn months. I felt that based on the whole counsel of Scripture an attached style of parenting was a biblical style and that it modeled the character of God to my little one. Many that I love and respect disagree, but this is what the Lord led me to for our family.
Still, more than an attached parenting style or any other parenting style, what my child needs most is the gospel. She needs Jesus. I feel practicing a more attached style models this to her, but more than anything I hope I model Jesus to her, and I pray she sees the gospel in my parenting.
So, as I start a series on Attachment Parenting, please know that I believe the gospel is much more important and crucial for my child. I belief AP is VERY beneficial, but that the gospel is CRUCIAL. The gospel is the ONE THING I must not neglect as a parent.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Thinking about Japan, Praying for Japan, Helping Japan
Friday, March 18, 2011
The Miracle of Life, New Life, and the arrival of my Nephew
(facebook readers: check out the original post at Memphis Misfit Mama
My nephew was born last night at 2:03 am. (and by nephew I mean my best friend/like a sister's baby). It is a miracle that he is alive. (more on that later)
I started thinking about how life is a miracle. Conception is a miracle. With so many people that can't conceive and with so many people that conceive but don't carry full term and lose their babies, I am reminded that conception and life in the womb is truly a miracle, sustained by God alone. God is the Author and Sustainer of life. And not just the life of babies in the womb, but of your life and mine. Each breath is given to us by the Creator. He created us and He sustains us. The human body is so amazing and He is the one that causes our heart to beat and our lungs to breathe. He is the one who Sustains life.
Also, new life in Christ is a miracle. God breathes His life giving Spirit into a dead stone cold heart and causes our heart to beat and move for Him. He makes us into new creations. (2 Corinthians 5:17). He gives us His Spirit and causes us to be born again. (John 3) God is the one who gives us new life in His Son, he is also the one who sustains this life in His Son. I would dare to say that new life in Christ is the biggest miracle of all. Before we know Christ, we are all dead in our sins. A dead person cannot do anything but be dead. Christ miraculously breathes His life into someone and gives them faith and true life, eternal life. What a miracle.
Spring makes me think of life. It makes me think of little chicks and little bunnies and of new buds on the trees and of flowers blooming. After the dead of winter new life is so refreshing. Spring also reminds me that God brings new life to us. He gives life to us and makes our dead hearts alive in Him.
My best friend was fortunate to have a spring baby. Now I am sure every spring she will not only think about new life in Christ or new life in creation, but also the new life that God has blessed her with this spring of 2011. And the life of my "nephew" is truly a miracle. After major complications, him having lost all oxygen, and an emergency C-section he is truly a miracle. It is truly a miracle that he is alive. New life is a miracle. Today I feel that more than ever.
I had another friend that had major complications in her pregnancy and her little miracle didn't receive a long life in this world, but was welcomed to heaven after just an hour of life here. He too was and is a miracle that has brought so much glory to God.
The life of my nephew and the life and death of my friend's baby both bring glory to God and show the goodness of God and His power to sustain life. Sometimes He sustains that life here, and sometimes He takes that life to heaven to sustain it there for all of eternity.
Most of all, life in Christ is a miracle and anyone who is a new creation in Christ will be sustained by Him for all eternity. This brings hope during birth and during death, and every day in between.
Welcome to the world Silas Cruse Edwards. You truly are a miracle. I pray you will be born again at a young age and experience new life in Christ.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be. 17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them! 18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
There is no such thing as a "bad" baby
reposted from previous blog...
I met with a friend yesterday that I dearly love. Her and I both had babies that were very difficult and had higher needs than most babies. They also have fun personalities and are strong-willed, which I think are great qualities in adults. We used to have playdates where we would each wear our babies in our Moby wraps and bounce or walk to keep our babies calm so that we could then talk. Our babies didn’t sleep through the night at week 8 (which I think is unrealistic for any baby) and they fussed a whole lot more than the average baby. So does this make them “bad” babies? Of course no one would actually say this but they may think it. Or, they may say it by implying that the opposite characteristics make a “good” baby.
People describe their baby as “good” if they sleep through the night at a young age and are generally happy and content and don’t cry. (and this idea is perpetuated by a very popular parenting book) They are low maintenance and don’t require much extra attention. If a new mom describes her baby as the above other moms will say to her that she has such a “good” baby, and sometimes also say or imply that she is a “good” mom. (like she created this baby’s personality or temperament or something)
Well, I would like to say that there is no “bad” or “good” baby. Yes, some babies tend to be more “easy” or more “difficult”. Some seem to be more “content and happy” and some seem to be more “fussy”, but this does not make them “good” or “bad”. I struggled with this idea for a long time when I first had a baby that qualified as a high needs baby. For some reason, God in His infinite wisdom saw it fit to give me a baby that was a little more difficult than most and much more fussy than most (oh, and throw in acid reflux and sensitive stomach to the mix too) but she was a “good” baby. God doesn’t make “bad” babies. Yes, we are all born sinful and depraved…I get that. But I truly believe a baby’s cry doesn’t equal sin, especially in those first few months. Crying is simply a form of communication and some babies just need to communicate a lot more to get their needs met and to feel “right”. If you couldn’t speak, how would you communicate that you had a need you needed to be met? Anyway, I digress, I really struggled with comparing Brooklyn to other “easier” babies that people would say were such “good” babies. I wondered why God didn’t give me an easy baby or what I was doing wrong. But now looking back, I am so thankful that God didn’t give me an “easy” baby. Having a difficult baby made me depend on God’s grace so much more than I would have otherwise. Also, Brooklyn drove me to search out other parenting styles than the mainstream styles I had been told about in most Christian circles. Having a baby like Brooklyn drove me to a more attached parenting style and I am so grateful for that. Having Brooklyn drove me to a new and different way of being wise about babies. I am very grateful that Brooklyn was usually only happy while being worn or being nursed. This made our bond so strong it is unbelievable. If Brooklyn were an “easy” baby I may have thought I was doing things to make her “easy” and taken credit myself.
So, be encouraged dear Mama of a “difficult” high needs baby. And consider bumping up your attachment parenting a notch. These babies just may have more of a need to be close to mama to feel right. For a look into what attachment parenting is check out this… http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t130100.asp
And Mama of the “easy” baby please be sensitive in how you talk to a mom of a more difficult baby and please be very careful when you use words like “good” and “bad”. Many of those “bad” babies with very strong personalities will probably grow up to be the leaders of the next generation….just sayin’.
I met with a friend yesterday that I dearly love. Her and I both had babies that were very difficult and had higher needs than most babies. They also have fun personalities and are strong-willed, which I think are great qualities in adults. We used to have playdates where we would each wear our babies in our Moby wraps and bounce or walk to keep our babies calm so that we could then talk. Our babies didn’t sleep through the night at week 8 (which I think is unrealistic for any baby) and they fussed a whole lot more than the average baby. So does this make them “bad” babies? Of course no one would actually say this but they may think it. Or, they may say it by implying that the opposite characteristics make a “good” baby.
People describe their baby as “good” if they sleep through the night at a young age and are generally happy and content and don’t cry. (and this idea is perpetuated by a very popular parenting book) They are low maintenance and don’t require much extra attention. If a new mom describes her baby as the above other moms will say to her that she has such a “good” baby, and sometimes also say or imply that she is a “good” mom. (like she created this baby’s personality or temperament or something)
Well, I would like to say that there is no “bad” or “good” baby. Yes, some babies tend to be more “easy” or more “difficult”. Some seem to be more “content and happy” and some seem to be more “fussy”, but this does not make them “good” or “bad”. I struggled with this idea for a long time when I first had a baby that qualified as a high needs baby. For some reason, God in His infinite wisdom saw it fit to give me a baby that was a little more difficult than most and much more fussy than most (oh, and throw in acid reflux and sensitive stomach to the mix too) but she was a “good” baby. God doesn’t make “bad” babies. Yes, we are all born sinful and depraved…I get that. But I truly believe a baby’s cry doesn’t equal sin, especially in those first few months. Crying is simply a form of communication and some babies just need to communicate a lot more to get their needs met and to feel “right”. If you couldn’t speak, how would you communicate that you had a need you needed to be met? Anyway, I digress, I really struggled with comparing Brooklyn to other “easier” babies that people would say were such “good” babies. I wondered why God didn’t give me an easy baby or what I was doing wrong. But now looking back, I am so thankful that God didn’t give me an “easy” baby. Having a difficult baby made me depend on God’s grace so much more than I would have otherwise. Also, Brooklyn drove me to search out other parenting styles than the mainstream styles I had been told about in most Christian circles. Having a baby like Brooklyn drove me to a more attached parenting style and I am so grateful for that. Having Brooklyn drove me to a new and different way of being wise about babies. I am very grateful that Brooklyn was usually only happy while being worn or being nursed. This made our bond so strong it is unbelievable. If Brooklyn were an “easy” baby I may have thought I was doing things to make her “easy” and taken credit myself.
So, be encouraged dear Mama of a “difficult” high needs baby. And consider bumping up your attachment parenting a notch. These babies just may have more of a need to be close to mama to feel right. For a look into what attachment parenting is check out this… http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t130100.asp
And Mama of the “easy” baby please be sensitive in how you talk to a mom of a more difficult baby and please be very careful when you use words like “good” and “bad”. Many of those “bad” babies with very strong personalities will probably grow up to be the leaders of the next generation….just sayin’.
Reading List: Parenting books, Discipline, etc.
(if you're reading on facebook check out the original post at Memphis Misfit Mama)
So, here is a list of books I would like to read over the next few months, or many months. This isn't a list of recommendations because I haven't read them yet so therefore can't recommend them, but I will review them as I read them and post here.
Here is the list:
So, here is a list of books I would like to read over the next few months, or many months. This isn't a list of recommendations because I haven't read them yet so therefore can't recommend them, but I will review them as I read them and post here.
Here is the list:
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Prayer Points for Japan and the Middle East
One of my favorite bloggers, Joel Rosenberg, blogged a great post about things going on in Japan and the Middle East, how that relates to biblical prophecy, and how to pray for each country. Very helpful when sometimes it is hard to know how to pray.
http://flashtrafficblog.wordpress.com/
I can't stop thinking about everything going on all over the world and my heart cries, Maranatha! Come, Lord Jesus!
http://flashtrafficblog.wordpress.com/
I can't stop thinking about everything going on all over the world and my heart cries, Maranatha! Come, Lord Jesus!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
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