Make new friends and keep the old, one is silver and the other is gold.

 "Make new friends and keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold. The circle is round and has no end, that's how long I want to be your friend." ( a song I sang in Girl Scouts, not sure of the artist)

Annie, Hillary, and Rachel. Dear friends then and dear friends now. College. Sorority. Christ. 

"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." Proverbs 17:17

This past week I was able to go visit a dear friend and her family. This dear friend recently went through a great tragedy and I just wanted to go be with her and listen to her and have fun. I hope it helped give her something to look forward to in the midst of her grieving.

As I was driving home today I thought about my closest friends. Most all of them are from college. So far nothing compares with college for a breeding ground for true genuine friendships. In high school I was so immature and way too worried about boys to be a good friend,  but in college I feel like I grew up a lot and learned a whole lot about loving God and loving others. In college I first learned about true discipleship, accountability, openness about sin, and working through conflict in friendships. I have a handful of really deep solid friendships from college that I will cherish forever. Some of these ladies I talk to weekly, some monthly, and some just once a year or a few times a year. But we never miss a beat and it is always so comfortable. It was so easy to build deep friendships quickly in college. That is what college is all about right? (well, that and going to class, right?) In college you have so much time to hang out and talk and live life together. I was fortunate to be part of a great sorority and most of my close friends from college are also sorority sisters. Most of all, these friends are sisters in Christ. I think what bonded us so close was growing in our walks with God together. We helped one another struggle through sin, we prayed with one another, we were there for one another through breakups and eating disorders, we shared our faith with others together, we worked through conflict together. We truly got to know one another's hearts.

Annie and Melissa. College. Sorority. Christ. Discipleship group. 

I feel like since college, it has just gotten more and more difficult to make deep friendships. When I was still single I had more time to devote to building friendships and I have a few treasured friends from my post-college pre-marriage stage of life. But now that I am a mom making friends has become so difficult. I love talking about my baby girl and about parenting, but sometimes I feel so shallow. There is so much more to me and the ladies I interact with than our children and parenting styles. I want to still talk about doctrine, theology, ministry, missions, disciplemaking, sin struggles, passions and dreams. I want to truly get to know the heart of my friends and not just talk about shallow things. I think it is really hard to make friends when you have children because you just have less time to devote to these friendships and it takes longer to build these deep bonds. Also, I have found it rather difficult to make mom friends because my parenting style is usually very different than most other moms I hang out with.

Lara, Elizabeth, Rachelle, Lindsay. Dear friends from my pre-marriage Memphis days. Walked through some very hard times together with these ladies. Love them!

One of my best friend's from college is a such a different type of mom than me in many ways, (but we both love Jesus so in many ways we are also very similar), and we disagree on many parenting issues, but at the end of the day we love each other so much. When I think about other friendships I am trying to make with moms I am meeting presently, I don't feel like there is that same love and acceptance when we differ on parenting issues. Maybe it is because my friends from college knew me before I was a mom. They knew me before I was that "weird, natural, attachment parenting" mom. They knew me when I was a young and carefree sorority sister who didn't recycle and ate in the cafeteria for every meal. We also went through many life changing events together. I am a lot different than many of my friends from college, but we are still so close. I have found it very difficult to form these same friendships with sisters in Christ now that I am a wife and mother. I guess I just long for that same ease in making friends that was present in college. I know it may never exist again and life changes as you get married and have kids, but I am just missing the ease of making friends a whole lot right now.

Bree, Hillary, Kelly Beth, Annie, Haley, Melissa. Love these college friends! 

It was so great to sit around this past week with one of my best friends from college. She is actually one of the very first friends I made at Murray State. We have been through many different life events together. It was so great to talk freely without worrying if she would judge me. I knew that whether we agreed or disagreed about different topics, that there was a deep bond of love that has been developed over the past ten years. I love these types of friendships and long to have my friendships that I am trying to form presently embody this same love and acceptance.

Some sweet friends I am trying to grow closer to presently

I so desperately want to really get to know the hearts of my friends. I don't just want to talk about strollers and carseats and parenting styles. I remember sitting around with a group of ladies a few years ago when I was still single (most of which were moms) and listening to them talk about strollers for what seemed like an eternity. These were all very godly mission minded women and I am sure they usually talked about other more important things. I remember thinking that I did not want to be the kind of mom that stopped talking about the deeper things of God and of life when I became a mom. The sad thing is that I find myself talking about these same things quite often. I know this is somewhat to be expected and probably normal, but I desire more from my friendships. I desire prayer and accountability and true authentic fellowship. I want to share what I am struggling with in my walk with God and hear the same from my friends. I want to talk about ministry and learn together how we as mothers can continue to do ministry and make disciples as we raise small children. I want to hear about what my friends are studying from the word and what God is teaching them. There is so much more to all of us than the latest accomplishments of our children or our parenting style. I want to know all about these ladies! So whether you are a real life friend or just a follower of my blog, this is my encouragement and challenge to you, and myself.

I will say that I do have a few cherished mom friends that I do feel like I can talk to about anything, and other friends too...single friends, married with no kids friends, etc. I am so thankful for these few genuine friendships in this stage of life.

And to those of you who are my dear college friends, and my pre-marriage friends, I love that we are still close and continue to grow in our friendships. I love you and treasure our friendships. You know who you are. :)

Can you relate to anything I am saying? Thoughts? Advice? Comments? Encouragement?

So thankful for this best friend and sister of mine, Annie Leigh. 

Two of my closest friends at present, Caroline and Cleuse. 

Some sweet friends from all over the world!