Wisdom from a Veteran Mom of 4 (Babywise Series)

If you are just now joining us for the Why I'm Not Babywise Series, Welcome! Please take some time to read the previous posts, especially my Intro/Disclaimer so you can read the rest of the posts in context. I am seeking to be very sensitive to my readers who may implement Babywise. I pray we can all show one another grace as we seek to parent all of our babies in the way God leads us. I invite considerate comments, whether you agree or disagree.
Here is a lovely comment from my cousin posted on one of my Babywise series blogs. So much wisdom to be gleaned from this woman!

"Oh, Chalise, it's so much fun reading about your experiences and ideas with how you parent Brooklyn. She's one lucky baby.

I read Babywise when my second was an infant and was very attracted to the peaceful, rested, happy infants he described. I tried some of his ideas with my son but found that just stopping middle of the night nursing AFTER he went a full night on his own without doing so was sufficient to produce a good sleeper. My subsequent children proved that this technique doesn't necessarily work.

Personally, I agree with a lot of what you've pointed out. The whole "you'll have a perfect child if you follow my method" message is a huge turn-off. However, I can't say that I'm a big fan of Dr. Sears either. In general, I don't much like parenting books. My best teachers have been my four children. I find that as time goes on and I gain more experience parenting philosophies become increasingly less important.

The basic family pattern we seem to be doing is: "observe, reflect, consult, act." I find more and more that parenting labels get in the way of focusing on the real needs of our children and our family because they make me less adaptable. Whenever I start trying to do it "right" I'm almost sure to completely miss the mark and most definitely be doing it "wrong."

I think what's helped me the most in my attempt to continue learning how to better parent the four miraculous beings God has chosen to entrust to my care has been:
1) Being as diligent as possible in my daily devotions
2) Practicing lots of patience
3) Learning humility- the more I learn the less I know. My kids are really, really good at reminding me of this one.

The other aspect you address of Babywise that I'd like to discuss a bit is the concept that putting children first is negative. The book makes it sound like there's some kind of a competition between your marriage and your children and that you'll all be better off if you put the adults first. Now, I get that parents can become so wrapped up in their children that their relationship suffers (there's times when one of the adjustments we need to make is more couple time for sure.) However, I also think that it's rather tragic how our society separates communities into "kid-worlds" and "adult-worlds." It seems like we constantly have to choose between living our "own" lives and caring for our children.

For us, that doesn't seem to work. Our family lives life together and while that has it's challenges I'm happier than I've ever been. Sure, our lives primarily revolve around their needs, but you know, this is our only chance to be parents and develop a close relationship with our children. Are we spoiling them? Maybe. Are we too strict? Maybe. But whatever it is, the relationship we're developing as a family is very REAL and I don't think anyone could wrap it into a "how-to" textbook."